So I have a theory that celebreties always die in groups of 3. Okay so it isn't my theory, I heard it on the radio when I was a wee little lad, but I like it. Case in point: Saddam, Ford, James Brown.
I hate Florida
Sorry I haven't been posting lately. I just got back though and have been busy, and now I head off to stupid Florida for a week. I have to go because my brother and his brand son are there. It doesn't lessen my hatred for Florida though.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
I love Rennes
So I went to Bretagne for two days, more specifically Rennes. It is the part of France that juts out into the ocean near England. Basically a peninsula, but sideways. Anyways it is where I studied four years ago. I went and saw my old host family, who are the best people in the world. They haven't really changed, are incredibly inviting, and just so damn nice. I also walked around Rennes, which made me happy because it brought the Christmas spirit back in me. In Paris, excluding the Champs Elysee, there is no hint of Christmas really. Hardly any lights or trees. In Rennes Christmas is everywhere. All the streets are lit up, trees and decorations everywhere, and a great Christmas market. The host family's house smelled of pine too. The only way I can describe Bretagne is like Maine but instead of massive forests in the middle it is all farmland like Iowa. So Maine on the coast with a little bit of Iowa in the center. That is probably why I love it.
When I got back to Paris what did I find on my computer screen? Well first I let one of the host daughters use my comp while I was gone. She is going to the US the same day as I am to spend some time with her boyfriend who is there teaching. So for all of those who speak French here go, for those that don't...sorry:
trois jours !!!! trois jours avant de te prendre dans mes bras... trois
jours avant de te dire des mots dans le cou... trois jours avant de te
petrire les seins... trois jours avant de rigoler avec toi du monde et de
ses perspectives... trois jours avant de te penetrer de mon sexe gonflé et
rouge d'envie... trois jours avant de t'entendre jouir... trois jours avant
d'ouvrir nos cadeaux...trois jours à tenir je vais avoir du mal... je
t'aime. (et pas depuis trois jours)
So...yeah.
As for me 1 day and I am home...fog and weather permitting.
When I got back to Paris what did I find on my computer screen? Well first I let one of the host daughters use my comp while I was gone. She is going to the US the same day as I am to spend some time with her boyfriend who is there teaching. So for all of those who speak French here go, for those that don't...sorry:
trois jours !!!! trois jours avant de te prendre dans mes bras... trois
jours avant de te dire des mots dans le cou... trois jours avant de te
petrire les seins... trois jours avant de rigoler avec toi du monde et de
ses perspectives... trois jours avant de te penetrer de mon sexe gonflé et
rouge d'envie... trois jours avant de t'entendre jouir... trois jours avant
d'ouvrir nos cadeaux...trois jours à tenir je vais avoir du mal... je
t'aime. (et pas depuis trois jours)
So...yeah.
As for me 1 day and I am home...fog and weather permitting.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Little Red Riding Hood 2: Crappy Disney
So I blame Disney. Who else can explain why my version of Little Red Riding Hood is so messed up. In class in Paris I learned in the original version not only does Little Red Riding Hood's Grandma get eaten but so does LRRH!! This was shocking news to me. Not quite like finding out Santa isn't real (I was one of the last people in my school to figure this out too) but still ranks up there.
So my version of LRRH: First off LRRH doesn't listen to the lumbejack's ("woodcutter") warning not to take that route to the house. This is important for two reasons. 1. It means that she ignores the woodcutter and does it anyways. 2. It means she doesn't talk to the Wolf in the beginning but the Wolf overhears LRRH and Woodcutter's conversation.
Next in my Disney GGGG+ rating version the damn Wolf doesn't eat the Grandma but puts her in a closet or something. If he ate Grandma then wouldn't LRRH have been asking such things as, "My what large bones you have stuck in your teeth?" or "My what blood spattered face you have?" or my personal favorite, "Is that pubic hair stuck in your teeth Grandma?"
Finally the worst part of it all is LRRH doesn't get eaten either. Instead she runs out with the Wolf following her and low and behold there is the Woodcutter to save the day and kill the Wolf. Then Grandma and LRRH share the picnic that LRRH was bringing her.
So there you have it. It is not like my parents protected me from the violence of the story. I read many violent stories when I was young, played violent games, and watched violent cartoons (I am really desensitized to violence at this point in my life). I even remember my first rated "R" movie was Diehard. I know there are worse but Diehard has to rank up there as a worst overall rated "R" movie to see first due to violence, blood, and language. Yippee Kiya Mother Fucker. (I am not saying Diehard is a bad movie, on the contrary I think it is great, I am saying as a first rated "R" movie it pretty much contains everything but nudity and sex).
Here are some other versions that I heard in class. Grandma gets eaten but not LRRH. Grandma doesn't get eaten. Grandma gets eaten and they kill the Wolf. They both get eaten but the Wolf gets killed anyways. They kill the wolf after both have been eaten and then fill his stomach up with stones? (SC you read some pretty weird versions, but not the weirdest). And my all time favorite version...They both get eaten but the Woodcutter kills the Wolf then cuts open his stomach and Grandma and LRRH are in there alive and kicking. They then fill up the stomach of the Wolf with stones, sew him back together and I think either throw him into a river or keep him as a statue. Can't remember.
So there you have it. Don't even get me started on the moral of the story. My professor started spouting off about how it was really meant to be about incest and pedophile. I lost interest and didn't understand him at that point, so can't give an accurate account of that.
3 DAYS AND I WILL BE HOME
Unless this happens (yes I have to pass through London).
So my version of LRRH: First off LRRH doesn't listen to the lumbejack's ("woodcutter") warning not to take that route to the house. This is important for two reasons. 1. It means that she ignores the woodcutter and does it anyways. 2. It means she doesn't talk to the Wolf in the beginning but the Wolf overhears LRRH and Woodcutter's conversation.
Next in my Disney GGGG+ rating version the damn Wolf doesn't eat the Grandma but puts her in a closet or something. If he ate Grandma then wouldn't LRRH have been asking such things as, "My what large bones you have stuck in your teeth?" or "My what blood spattered face you have?" or my personal favorite, "Is that pubic hair stuck in your teeth Grandma?"
Finally the worst part of it all is LRRH doesn't get eaten either. Instead she runs out with the Wolf following her and low and behold there is the Woodcutter to save the day and kill the Wolf. Then Grandma and LRRH share the picnic that LRRH was bringing her.
So there you have it. It is not like my parents protected me from the violence of the story. I read many violent stories when I was young, played violent games, and watched violent cartoons (I am really desensitized to violence at this point in my life). I even remember my first rated "R" movie was Diehard. I know there are worse but Diehard has to rank up there as a worst overall rated "R" movie to see first due to violence, blood, and language. Yippee Kiya Mother Fucker. (I am not saying Diehard is a bad movie, on the contrary I think it is great, I am saying as a first rated "R" movie it pretty much contains everything but nudity and sex).
Here are some other versions that I heard in class. Grandma gets eaten but not LRRH. Grandma doesn't get eaten. Grandma gets eaten and they kill the Wolf. They both get eaten but the Wolf gets killed anyways. They kill the wolf after both have been eaten and then fill his stomach up with stones? (SC you read some pretty weird versions, but not the weirdest). And my all time favorite version...They both get eaten but the Woodcutter kills the Wolf then cuts open his stomach and Grandma and LRRH are in there alive and kicking. They then fill up the stomach of the Wolf with stones, sew him back together and I think either throw him into a river or keep him as a statue. Can't remember.
So there you have it. Don't even get me started on the moral of the story. My professor started spouting off about how it was really meant to be about incest and pedophile. I lost interest and didn't understand him at that point, so can't give an accurate account of that.
3 DAYS AND I WILL BE HOME
Unless this happens (yes I have to pass through London).
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I spent 2 hours in class that I am receiving law school credit for talking about Little Red Riding Hood
First a rant: As you have probably seen over the past months I am a hateful person. Actually I just use the word liberally in the sense not as strong a definition as some people attach it. So to add to the list of things I "hate": Americans in Paris.
Americans in Paris are easy to find. They are loud. This isn't a stereotype they are always loud. (I don't count anymore, I am officially off the list this time because I am travelling alone and have specifically not met any Americans here, other then when my aunt visited, but she actually lives in Martinique, which is French.) They are not only loud but also rude and disrespectful. Before I explain I want to clarify that I don't expect someone to conform to the culture of the country they are in, in fact I refuse to do that, but I do expect them to respect it.
The best example of this is on the Metro. Americans can always be found on the Metro by voice alone. It is incredible. The Metro in France is a 10 minute period of time for the French to escape the busy life in Paris and get lost in their books. It is nearly impossible to do this when a group of (usually young but not always) Americans are yelling about who threw-up where, who ended up in bed with who, or who passed out in the gutter last night.
The All-Time Example though was a few years ago at Versailles (the palace the Sun God Louis XIV built, sorry if you learned something). I was showing a few friends around when a group of Texans were heard from yards away. The gardens at Versailles are vast, so the fact that the Texans had Walkie-Talkies was not surprising, what was surprising was when they YELLED into them, even with people standing right by them. The best quote from their shout fests, "I can't hear Ye!" Yes he said "ye". Who the hell uses "Ye" anymore?
I can't believe I am getting law school credits for talking about Little Red Riding Hood
In other news today in class I spent two hours learning different versions of Little Red Riding Hood. I will go into more details later, but want to pose a few question to the 5 people that read my blog. In the version you remember from your childhood....
Is it a hunter or a lumberjack that makes an appearance?
Does the grandmother get eaten?
Does Little Red Riding Hood get eaten?
How does the very end happen?
Americans in Paris are easy to find. They are loud. This isn't a stereotype they are always loud. (I don't count anymore, I am officially off the list this time because I am travelling alone and have specifically not met any Americans here, other then when my aunt visited, but she actually lives in Martinique, which is French.) They are not only loud but also rude and disrespectful. Before I explain I want to clarify that I don't expect someone to conform to the culture of the country they are in, in fact I refuse to do that, but I do expect them to respect it.
The best example of this is on the Metro. Americans can always be found on the Metro by voice alone. It is incredible. The Metro in France is a 10 minute period of time for the French to escape the busy life in Paris and get lost in their books. It is nearly impossible to do this when a group of (usually young but not always) Americans are yelling about who threw-up where, who ended up in bed with who, or who passed out in the gutter last night.
The All-Time Example though was a few years ago at Versailles (the palace the Sun God Louis XIV built, sorry if you learned something). I was showing a few friends around when a group of Texans were heard from yards away. The gardens at Versailles are vast, so the fact that the Texans had Walkie-Talkies was not surprising, what was surprising was when they YELLED into them, even with people standing right by them. The best quote from their shout fests, "I can't hear Ye!" Yes he said "ye". Who the hell uses "Ye" anymore?
I can't believe I am getting law school credits for talking about Little Red Riding Hood
In other news today in class I spent two hours learning different versions of Little Red Riding Hood. I will go into more details later, but want to pose a few question to the 5 people that read my blog. In the version you remember from your childhood....
Is it a hunter or a lumberjack that makes an appearance?
Does the grandmother get eaten?
Does Little Red Riding Hood get eaten?
How does the very end happen?
Sunday, December 17, 2006
It's official I am Time magazine's Man of the Year
The cat is out of the bag, we all knew it would happen sooner or later, I am officialy Time Magazine's Person of the Year. I get to join the ranks of Hitler (1938), Miss Wallis Warfield Simpson (1936), the Hungarian Freedom Fighter (1956), and Twenty-five and Under (1966).
In accepting this award it means I must return to the US, which I will be doing in 8 days, or on Christmas. Hell the BBC even thought about interviewing me about this. I was stopped on the street yesterday by a reporter who asked if I spoke English (this was great because he thought I was French). He said he was from the BBC doing interviews (he had all of the official equipment, etc and looked quite funny standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk). I said that I could speak a little. He then asked where I was from and after telling him he said he needed French people.
X-Mas Presents
So my family plays a game each year at Christmas, a game that I love. My mom's side of the family gather and instead of buying presents for everyone we each buy one "good gift" and one "bad gift". We then get in a big circle with the presents wrapped in the middle. The oldest person goes first and chooses a present and unwraps it. We then draw a name to see who goes next. That person can then either choose a gift out of the middle and unwrap it, or he can take the a previously unwrapped present and give the person he took it from a present out of the middle. This continues until everyone has gone once and then the oldest person who started gets to decide if she (my grandma) wants to keep the present she has at that time or switch it with someone elses. It is good fun. We play it twice, once with good gifts or gifts that have some utility to them to everyone, and once with bad gifts, or really funny ones. And we can only spend a combined total of $20 on both gifts.
In past years these have been the bad gifts that I have put into the middle:
Fox Urine (apparently hunters use it or something)
A 70's Marching Band Uniform (in a really horrible off-red color)
A photo of me (ha Arbusto you aren't the only one who makes fun of me, I also make fun of me....oh wait that isn't a good thing)
So this year I think I am going to give a gift certificate that is good for 1 diamond. Yep an actual diamond. The catch is to claim it they must go to Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas and dig for it themselves. Expenses not paid.
Going Crazy
Well I have been crazy for some years, but it is just getting worse of late. Two days ago I had an, "Oh Shit" moment when I realized in May I need to find a job and have no prospects at the moment. So what did I do? Looked at other schools of course. I am not wanting to be a professional student but the Tuft's Fletcher School's Master in Law and Diplomacy looks extremely interesting. Plus you can't go wrong with its location. The only drawback is I would have to rush an application becaue they are do January 15. That means do the application, write the essays, get recommendations, and take the GRE all in a 20 day time span. Then there is that whole "money" aspect. Both of how will I pay for it and I want to start earning money.
In accepting this award it means I must return to the US, which I will be doing in 8 days, or on Christmas. Hell the BBC even thought about interviewing me about this. I was stopped on the street yesterday by a reporter who asked if I spoke English (this was great because he thought I was French). He said he was from the BBC doing interviews (he had all of the official equipment, etc and looked quite funny standing in the middle of a busy sidewalk). I said that I could speak a little. He then asked where I was from and after telling him he said he needed French people.
X-Mas Presents
So my family plays a game each year at Christmas, a game that I love. My mom's side of the family gather and instead of buying presents for everyone we each buy one "good gift" and one "bad gift". We then get in a big circle with the presents wrapped in the middle. The oldest person goes first and chooses a present and unwraps it. We then draw a name to see who goes next. That person can then either choose a gift out of the middle and unwrap it, or he can take the a previously unwrapped present and give the person he took it from a present out of the middle. This continues until everyone has gone once and then the oldest person who started gets to decide if she (my grandma) wants to keep the present she has at that time or switch it with someone elses. It is good fun. We play it twice, once with good gifts or gifts that have some utility to them to everyone, and once with bad gifts, or really funny ones. And we can only spend a combined total of $20 on both gifts.
In past years these have been the bad gifts that I have put into the middle:
Fox Urine (apparently hunters use it or something)
A 70's Marching Band Uniform (in a really horrible off-red color)
A photo of me (ha Arbusto you aren't the only one who makes fun of me, I also make fun of me....oh wait that isn't a good thing)
So this year I think I am going to give a gift certificate that is good for 1 diamond. Yep an actual diamond. The catch is to claim it they must go to Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas and dig for it themselves. Expenses not paid.
Going Crazy
Well I have been crazy for some years, but it is just getting worse of late. Two days ago I had an, "Oh Shit" moment when I realized in May I need to find a job and have no prospects at the moment. So what did I do? Looked at other schools of course. I am not wanting to be a professional student but the Tuft's Fletcher School's Master in Law and Diplomacy looks extremely interesting. Plus you can't go wrong with its location. The only drawback is I would have to rush an application becaue they are do January 15. That means do the application, write the essays, get recommendations, and take the GRE all in a 20 day time span. Then there is that whole "money" aspect. Both of how will I pay for it and I want to start earning money.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Caramel Vodka and Vibrators
So last night I drank. I drank too much. I threw up this morning, not exactly sure how I got home because part of the night I can't remember, and instead of drunk dialing a girl, I drunk emailed. The email was hysterical, and I would post it but it is in French so not too many would understand it. Thankfully I put in the wrong address and it didn't get sent. I have no recolection of typing the email and when I saw the returned email in my inbox I started to wonder what else I did that I can't remember. Still speaking of things I can't remember, I am not sure how I got back to my place. I know I started on the Metro, got off because I had to pee, took a cab, then it gets fuzzy. I have some fuzzy vague memory of the cab driver not letting me off at the right address, but somehow I walked home. I am just glad I got home.
Things I do remember:
Drinking two bottles of wine (two people)
Drinking a half a bottle of vodka (just me) the others finished the bottle
Ordering a vibrator online, okay my friend did I obviously didn't.
So the vibrator story...Reunion out of the blue asked me if Americans use sex toys because apparently in France it is still a little taboo. I said sure Americans used sex toys. I then decided to show her Bostonian Sexperts blog. Bostonian works at a sex shop and always has great recommendations and advice. So Reunion, who was already a little drunk, bought a 43 Euro vibrator in front of me. Yes this is my life. No sex, no girls, but girls willing to buy expensive vibrators in front of me.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Curly Canadian texted me today. I was sick of hanging out with her and decided that I needed to find out if I was going to get anything out of hanging out with her because I couldn't stand her personality. So I turned to my twin George Costanza. I decided to do the opposite of what I would normally do. She had texted me with "What are you up to? Want a hang out?" I responded, "I'm free for sex otherwise I am with a friend." Her response, "Huh??" My reply, "I am always up for sex, but am with a friend right now so I can't hang out." She ended then with, "I am not interested in you sexually."
Although the ending was not what happened to George who slept with the woman and got a job working for the Yankees, it is a big relief for me because now I don't have to hang out with her anymore.
LINE OF THE DAY
Reunion: "Why is it that weird things happen to you?" (Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my life, where the normal takes a backseat to the weird and unusual)
Things I do remember:
Drinking two bottles of wine (two people)
Drinking a half a bottle of vodka (just me) the others finished the bottle
Ordering a vibrator online, okay my friend did I obviously didn't.
So the vibrator story...Reunion out of the blue asked me if Americans use sex toys because apparently in France it is still a little taboo. I said sure Americans used sex toys. I then decided to show her Bostonian Sexperts blog. Bostonian works at a sex shop and always has great recommendations and advice. So Reunion, who was already a little drunk, bought a 43 Euro vibrator in front of me. Yes this is my life. No sex, no girls, but girls willing to buy expensive vibrators in front of me.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Curly Canadian texted me today. I was sick of hanging out with her and decided that I needed to find out if I was going to get anything out of hanging out with her because I couldn't stand her personality. So I turned to my twin George Costanza. I decided to do the opposite of what I would normally do. She had texted me with "What are you up to? Want a hang out?" I responded, "I'm free for sex otherwise I am with a friend." Her response, "Huh??" My reply, "I am always up for sex, but am with a friend right now so I can't hang out." She ended then with, "I am not interested in you sexually."
Although the ending was not what happened to George who slept with the woman and got a job working for the Yankees, it is a big relief for me because now I don't have to hang out with her anymore.
LINE OF THE DAY
Reunion: "Why is it that weird things happen to you?" (Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my life, where the normal takes a backseat to the weird and unusual)
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Because Arbusto is boring
I switched to a normal template because Arbusto is boring and can't stand looking at colors. Maybe he wouldn't have so many headaches looking at colors if he would go outside some of the time in natural day light rather than staying inside playing his Wii all day or Warcraft. /suck it
Friday, December 08, 2006
Is This Better?
Recent I changed the color scheme of my blog. I like Black and Gold/Yellow because they were my high school colors(Go RAMS), my college colors (Go Oles), and the colors of my favorite college/university team (Go Hawkeyes). But some people (don't worry I won't name names Arbusto and Mona) complained about it. Normally I would be a curmudgeon and not change, but instead I was in the Holiday spirit. So tell me what you think? Not as bright, but kept the same colors.
Rant of the Day:
Bretagne (little peninsula thing that sticks out into the Atlantic when you envision France, if you can) is known for wind and rain. Lots of wind and rain. So 3 years ago when I was studying there, I bought an umbrella of which I had high expectations. They were met. Until now that is. See for three years the thing would not budge in the wind. I used it in 40-50 m.p.h. winds and the thing would not reverse, bend, breakt, etc. Now, I am studying in Paris and recently they have had a few "tompetes" (I think that is how you spell it), which basically means lots of rain and even more wind. Think of a tropical storm/depression just not as much rain and not tropical whatsoever. Anyways my damn umbrella the other day was so strong that instead of flipping inside out like every other umbrella does in 45mph winds, it actually bent the main rod. My umbrella nearly broke in half and would have taken off like Mary Poppins on crack. Instead I was able to semi-salvage it and bend it back.
Flash forward to today. I am walking around and the damn thing flips inside out. The first fucking time it has done that in 3 years and it got even more bent. My umbrella is now more crooked than a Republican Congress.
So let's recap Furry's time in France (since it is almost over):
Lost luggage
Shat on by a bird (one of my few shirts when I had nothing, see above, and it was black)
Coming an entire month early because of my stupid French prof telling me the wrong date
Having no internship, which was promised to me, until my American prof found one for me 2 1/2 months later
Not getting laid (see previous posts from this month and Nov.)
All in all a typical 4 months for the Furry
GOOD NEWS FOR A CHANGE:
My bro (well more like his wife) had his baby the other day. It was by C-section, and I think everything is okay. My bro was too tired to give me specific details because he has been up for 50 hours straight before the birth. The new baby is named Gabriel. I have decided to call him Lil' Herky. My brother likes that nickname and hopefully it will make him a Hawkeye fan since he lives in that horrible state called Florida and his mom is a Gator alumnae.
DRINK RECAP FROM THURSDAY NIGHT
One of my friends had a birthday party at her place... I went, and drank even though I had work the next day at the law office. Suprisingly no hangover.
1 Kir
2 Beer/tequillas (something that I had never seen in a bottle before)
5 Martini Cokes (I know martini and coke doesn't sound good together, I didn't think so either, but it is really good)
3 Glasses of red wine
All done between 8-12
Saturday night should be fun, one of my friends promised me she was going to get me completely drunk. I don't think that is possible since I really haven't been yet, but we shall see. Possible scenarios if you don't see a post on Sunday:
Dead from alcohol poisoning
Lost in Paris and sleeping on a sidewalk
Still trying to get drunk
Joined a gang of illegal Romanian immigrents and are planning on taking over the Slovakian embassy
Sleeping with the girl who is taken me out (best option, least likely because after all it's me, Furry)
Rant of the Day:
Bretagne (little peninsula thing that sticks out into the Atlantic when you envision France, if you can) is known for wind and rain. Lots of wind and rain. So 3 years ago when I was studying there, I bought an umbrella of which I had high expectations. They were met. Until now that is. See for three years the thing would not budge in the wind. I used it in 40-50 m.p.h. winds and the thing would not reverse, bend, breakt, etc. Now, I am studying in Paris and recently they have had a few "tompetes" (I think that is how you spell it), which basically means lots of rain and even more wind. Think of a tropical storm/depression just not as much rain and not tropical whatsoever. Anyways my damn umbrella the other day was so strong that instead of flipping inside out like every other umbrella does in 45mph winds, it actually bent the main rod. My umbrella nearly broke in half and would have taken off like Mary Poppins on crack. Instead I was able to semi-salvage it and bend it back.
Flash forward to today. I am walking around and the damn thing flips inside out. The first fucking time it has done that in 3 years and it got even more bent. My umbrella is now more crooked than a Republican Congress.
So let's recap Furry's time in France (since it is almost over):
Lost luggage
Shat on by a bird (one of my few shirts when I had nothing, see above, and it was black)
Coming an entire month early because of my stupid French prof telling me the wrong date
Having no internship, which was promised to me, until my American prof found one for me 2 1/2 months later
Not getting laid (see previous posts from this month and Nov.)
All in all a typical 4 months for the Furry
GOOD NEWS FOR A CHANGE:
My bro (well more like his wife) had his baby the other day. It was by C-section, and I think everything is okay. My bro was too tired to give me specific details because he has been up for 50 hours straight before the birth. The new baby is named Gabriel. I have decided to call him Lil' Herky. My brother likes that nickname and hopefully it will make him a Hawkeye fan since he lives in that horrible state called Florida and his mom is a Gator alumnae.
DRINK RECAP FROM THURSDAY NIGHT
One of my friends had a birthday party at her place... I went, and drank even though I had work the next day at the law office. Suprisingly no hangover.
1 Kir
2 Beer/tequillas (something that I had never seen in a bottle before)
5 Martini Cokes (I know martini and coke doesn't sound good together, I didn't think so either, but it is really good)
3 Glasses of red wine
All done between 8-12
Saturday night should be fun, one of my friends promised me she was going to get me completely drunk. I don't think that is possible since I really haven't been yet, but we shall see. Possible scenarios if you don't see a post on Sunday:
Dead from alcohol poisoning
Lost in Paris and sleeping on a sidewalk
Still trying to get drunk
Joined a gang of illegal Romanian immigrents and are planning on taking over the Slovakian embassy
Sleeping with the girl who is taken me out (best option, least likely because after all it's me, Furry)
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Ode to Mediation
So today in class I was extremely bored. I am not really even sure what the prof was talking about because he was so ungodly boring. So I spent 4 hours out of 8 creating an 'Ode to Mediation'. Yes, yes I know technically it is a sonnet, but ode sounds so much better. I was even so bored that I rewrote it in the nicest cursive handwriting that I can do. (That took awhile since my handwriting is extremely bad). Anyways without further ado, here it is:
Ode to Mediation
There exists a conflict between parties
They think that no solution can be found
They pay an attorney hourly fees
What will they do? To the court they are bound
The judge sees them fighting like two children
A severe lack of communication
The judge suggests ADR with a grin
The parties decide on mediation
Each party describes their own perspective
After understanding the other side
They brainstorm ideas that are corrective
Voila, an agreement both to abide
A solution where both parties have won
And now the mediator's work is done
So I know it isn't all that good but it is all I could come up with in the time, while pretending to listen to the prof and making faces across the room to other bored classmates. Bonus points for anyone who knows what seperates this sonnet out from others.
They think that no solution can be found
They pay an attorney hourly fees
What will they do? To the court they are bound
The judge sees them fighting like two children
A severe lack of communication
The judge suggests ADR with a grin
The parties decide on mediation
Each party describes their own perspective
After understanding the other side
They brainstorm ideas that are corrective
Voila, an agreement both to abide
A solution where both parties have won
And now the mediator's work is done
So I know it isn't all that good but it is all I could come up with in the time, while pretending to listen to the prof and making faces across the room to other bored classmates. Bonus points for anyone who knows what seperates this sonnet out from others.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
So a priest, a cop, and mediation students walked into a bar...
No the title isn't the start of a joke; rather something that happened to me on Saturday. I had class on Saturday from 10-5..yes it sucks, and it means we have to go out to eat during the hour the profs give us. So our prof had made reservations for a restaurant near the Catholic University where are classes are at. At noon 8 other students and I, go to the restaurant (w/o the prof) and see a table set up for 9, perfect, he made the reservation. We go sit down, are about ready to order, when a group of Catholic priests from the University come in and say that the table is in fact theirs.
They said someone had made a reservation for them and that we should let them have it because they only had an hour to eat. We said we only had an hour, but we would find another table and began to get up to let them sit down. At that point the server intervened and said that we were to say and the Priests would have to wait. Apparently they didn't like this and the CATHOLIC PRIESTS tried to call the police because they didn't have a table at the restaurant. It was yet another Costanza moment in my life. Catholic priests calling the police becuase of a mix-up in reservations at a bar/restaurant that is decent at best.
Curly Canadian (CC) news:
So the Canadian came calling again and of course I went out with her. CC and I went to a movie on two different nights and one night to 3 different bars. At the movies she always has her arms crossed and seems really closed off, she drink a lot, leaves early, and still drops names like how she partied with Leonardo DiCaprio or Clive Owen. I was going to go in for a kiss but after each night out she quickly does the half ass bisou before we leave, leaving me with no chance. Yet I still keep going out with her. Plus each time it is her calling me asking me to go out with her. I don't know what I am going to do when she calls this week. We will see...
MSC.
So the other day in class I had Mr. Monopoly teaching. He looked exactly like the Monopoly guy only without the top hat and monocle. It was incredible. I really wanted him to either say, "don't pass go, don't collect $200," or pull out a sac of money.
Worst line to end a movie:
Black Dahlia: "Please come inside." (yes they were going for the double entendre)
They said someone had made a reservation for them and that we should let them have it because they only had an hour to eat. We said we only had an hour, but we would find another table and began to get up to let them sit down. At that point the server intervened and said that we were to say and the Priests would have to wait. Apparently they didn't like this and the CATHOLIC PRIESTS tried to call the police because they didn't have a table at the restaurant. It was yet another Costanza moment in my life. Catholic priests calling the police becuase of a mix-up in reservations at a bar/restaurant that is decent at best.
Curly Canadian (CC) news:
So the Canadian came calling again and of course I went out with her. CC and I went to a movie on two different nights and one night to 3 different bars. At the movies she always has her arms crossed and seems really closed off, she drink a lot, leaves early, and still drops names like how she partied with Leonardo DiCaprio or Clive Owen. I was going to go in for a kiss but after each night out she quickly does the half ass bisou before we leave, leaving me with no chance. Yet I still keep going out with her. Plus each time it is her calling me asking me to go out with her. I don't know what I am going to do when she calls this week. We will see...
MSC.
So the other day in class I had Mr. Monopoly teaching. He looked exactly like the Monopoly guy only without the top hat and monocle. It was incredible. I really wanted him to either say, "don't pass go, don't collect $200," or pull out a sac of money.
Worst line to end a movie:
Black Dahlia: "Please come inside." (yes they were going for the double entendre)
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