So as I previously mentioned Wed night I had a date planned with a girl. Yay for Furry. Turns out though the operative word in the first sentence is "planned". We had "planned" to get some pizza (from a great restaurant right near me), go for a walk, then watch a movie. We had "planned" this on Thursday. I emailed to confirm our "plans" on Sunday. I got confirmation of the "plans"....oh wait I didn't, which means the Furry also didn't have a date. In fact she never emailed back saying this isn't going to work etc, or any excuse, just didn't tell me anything. Yay. I have the best luck with women. If I was the Bachelor on ABC somehow each week instead of me selecting someone to get booted, one of the girls would get "mysteriously" hurt or ill until there were only two. The last two would then fight each other, not to be with me..no no, instead they would be fighting to see who could get off first. Miraculously for them though they would injure themselves so badly that neither would be left and instead I would have to eat the roses that were left over.
Anyways, later that night I went to bed...obviously. While sleeping though I was abruptly wakened by a liquid splashing on my face. It was 3:30AM. I was confused at first, not realizing what was happening. Then 2 minutes later it happened again. The sprinklers outside had cycled back around. Yes the sprinklers were spraying me through my window that was only open 6 inches, and through my closed blinds. Only the Furry. I normally wouldn't even have my window open, but they have delayed turning on the central air in the building, so I can't have my A/C running.
So let me recap, liquid being sprayed on me at night while in bed. Basically same story as Mona....only without the sex....and water instead of urine. God my life not only sucks but is boring too.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
For my 4 loyal readyers....
Don't worry I will be posting shortly. I haven't really had much to blog about, but I am thinking after tomorrow night I might have something. Knowing my luck though it will be nothing. Yes it involves a woman.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
10SNE1
That is a license plate one of my high school teachers told me about. Translation: "Tennis anyone?"
So I played a lot of tennis in high school, I mean a lot. I had to make up for the lost time, since I only began playing it in 8th grade. I did the whole lessons, tournaments, ladders, etc everything. My tennis pro was awesome. Gary, he looked exactly like the principal on Ferris Buhler's Day Off. Exactly. He always pushed me, but would take my smart ass mouth that I directed towards him. The only problem I had was I wasn't that competitive. I was one of Gary's best students, I just didn't care when I competed. This was evident in the tournaments I entered, where each time I lost in the first round...every time.
In high school I was a bit more competitive, especially in doubles. We won quite a few matches in doubles, a few less in singles. My coach though was absolutely worthless. He was fat, lazy, and never picked up a racket my whole career there. He was utterly worthless. But I made the best of it. My Freshman, Sophomore, and Junior year I made districts. One year at districts I was one win from state. Again I just couldn't win under pressure.
My senior year of high school I couldn't stand the coach anymore. I had been in several fights with him and thought enough was enough. Instead I asked the girls coach if I could be there manager. The girls coach was awesome, and I wanted to learn from him. He didn't know who I was, so first he I thought I was some perv, then learned who I was and made me an assistant coach instead. It was awesome. I learned a ton. I taught the girls. And I was called the "ass coach". What happened was I told a friend there was some nice ass on the team, so he started calling me the ass coach. One of our friends was on the team, and she heard him call me that. She assumed it was a shortening of assistant, so she told the whole team, and they started calling me the ass coach. Including the photo that is framed of the team and has on it, "To our #1 ass coach."
Also that year I went to Florida to tennis camp. I played next to Marcelo Rios, Jennifer Capriati, and Martina Hingis. It was great. Hingis even hit on me. Well not really, she did say hi to me, and I wasn't paying attention and just said, "hi" back not realizing the #1 lady in tennis just talked to me. What did suck there was the training. My pro "forgot" to tell me that it was rated UltraIntense by Tennis magazine. I hated him for it. As soon as I got back before I could say anything he was laughing at me. I was also the only public school kid there. There was one other private school kid, the rest were boarding school kids...I didn't even know those still existed.
In college my tennis career took a major hit. I tried out for the team, but could only give 60% at try-outs. Turns out the reason why was because I needed surgery on both my ankles. That made me give up tennis until now.
And now the reason for this post. I wanted to get back into tennis. I basically hadn't played in about 7 years. I played off and on in college, but never continuous and never against anyone my level. I decided to join a United States Tennis Association(USTA) league. The USTA rank people to determine what league to play in. The highest is 7.0, think Roger Federer or Andy Roddick. It goes down to like 2.0 someone who has never really played before. At my peak in high school I was probably a 5.0 (maybe a little higher). Now since I hadn't played in so long I didn't know what league to sign up for, so I signed up for a 3.0 league.
We have had 2 practices so far. I have dominated in both. I lost my first set the first practice, but after that I was awesome. It felt so good to swing the racket again. I wasn't sure how good I would do, or what I would remember. My serve has always been my best shot and in both practices I not only had aces, I also manage to leave welts on two different guys...they should have moved or swung their racket. I am assuming I will be moved up to 3.5 as soon as I start playing, which will probably be good.
The best feeling was today when a new guy came to our team. Most of the team is 40-50 year olds, but today a kid my age came to practice. He for some reason brought his girlfriend to sit in the car the full hour and just watch. I thought that was kind of weird, but she was a nice distraction because she was pretty hot. This was one of those kids who had a good serve, decent ground strokes, and thought he would dominate who ever he played. I think he brought his girlfriend to watch him do that, kind of show her how good he is. Well that didn't work, and if this was an 80's movie I would totally have taken the girl home with me. I destroyed him. No, that isn't strong enough, I guess humiliated him. I won the set 6-2. I was up 4-0 at one point. I guess if law school has taught me anything, it is how to be competitive and to finish off an opponent.
Game, Set, Match.
So I played a lot of tennis in high school, I mean a lot. I had to make up for the lost time, since I only began playing it in 8th grade. I did the whole lessons, tournaments, ladders, etc everything. My tennis pro was awesome. Gary, he looked exactly like the principal on Ferris Buhler's Day Off. Exactly. He always pushed me, but would take my smart ass mouth that I directed towards him. The only problem I had was I wasn't that competitive. I was one of Gary's best students, I just didn't care when I competed. This was evident in the tournaments I entered, where each time I lost in the first round...every time.
In high school I was a bit more competitive, especially in doubles. We won quite a few matches in doubles, a few less in singles. My coach though was absolutely worthless. He was fat, lazy, and never picked up a racket my whole career there. He was utterly worthless. But I made the best of it. My Freshman, Sophomore, and Junior year I made districts. One year at districts I was one win from state. Again I just couldn't win under pressure.
My senior year of high school I couldn't stand the coach anymore. I had been in several fights with him and thought enough was enough. Instead I asked the girls coach if I could be there manager. The girls coach was awesome, and I wanted to learn from him. He didn't know who I was, so first he I thought I was some perv, then learned who I was and made me an assistant coach instead. It was awesome. I learned a ton. I taught the girls. And I was called the "ass coach". What happened was I told a friend there was some nice ass on the team, so he started calling me the ass coach. One of our friends was on the team, and she heard him call me that. She assumed it was a shortening of assistant, so she told the whole team, and they started calling me the ass coach. Including the photo that is framed of the team and has on it, "To our #1 ass coach."
Also that year I went to Florida to tennis camp. I played next to Marcelo Rios, Jennifer Capriati, and Martina Hingis. It was great. Hingis even hit on me. Well not really, she did say hi to me, and I wasn't paying attention and just said, "hi" back not realizing the #1 lady in tennis just talked to me. What did suck there was the training. My pro "forgot" to tell me that it was rated UltraIntense by Tennis magazine. I hated him for it. As soon as I got back before I could say anything he was laughing at me. I was also the only public school kid there. There was one other private school kid, the rest were boarding school kids...I didn't even know those still existed.
In college my tennis career took a major hit. I tried out for the team, but could only give 60% at try-outs. Turns out the reason why was because I needed surgery on both my ankles. That made me give up tennis until now.
And now the reason for this post. I wanted to get back into tennis. I basically hadn't played in about 7 years. I played off and on in college, but never continuous and never against anyone my level. I decided to join a United States Tennis Association(USTA) league. The USTA rank people to determine what league to play in. The highest is 7.0, think Roger Federer or Andy Roddick. It goes down to like 2.0 someone who has never really played before. At my peak in high school I was probably a 5.0 (maybe a little higher). Now since I hadn't played in so long I didn't know what league to sign up for, so I signed up for a 3.0 league.
We have had 2 practices so far. I have dominated in both. I lost my first set the first practice, but after that I was awesome. It felt so good to swing the racket again. I wasn't sure how good I would do, or what I would remember. My serve has always been my best shot and in both practices I not only had aces, I also manage to leave welts on two different guys...they should have moved or swung their racket. I am assuming I will be moved up to 3.5 as soon as I start playing, which will probably be good.
The best feeling was today when a new guy came to our team. Most of the team is 40-50 year olds, but today a kid my age came to practice. He for some reason brought his girlfriend to sit in the car the full hour and just watch. I thought that was kind of weird, but she was a nice distraction because she was pretty hot. This was one of those kids who had a good serve, decent ground strokes, and thought he would dominate who ever he played. I think he brought his girlfriend to watch him do that, kind of show her how good he is. Well that didn't work, and if this was an 80's movie I would totally have taken the girl home with me. I destroyed him. No, that isn't strong enough, I guess humiliated him. I won the set 6-2. I was up 4-0 at one point. I guess if law school has taught me anything, it is how to be competitive and to finish off an opponent.
Game, Set, Match.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Furry needs help making a decision...want to help?
So I will be graduating soon, which means Furry needs to find a job. Two of the possibilities include 3 month stints in Europe. One in Belgium another in Paris. So here is where the Furry needs help. Assuming I get an invite to one if not both of these positions do I take it?
NEGATIVES:
Gone for 3 months from family (including my nephew who is my favorite even though I am not supposed to have favorites)
Miss a good chunk of the football season
Have to put my stuff in storage
No health insurance
And most importantly.....not sure how to pay back student loans (if I never return though I won't have to...)
POSITIVES:
Real work experience in Europe, great for the resume
I am in FRIGGIN Europe maybe even FRANCE
Get to put my otherwise useless major to use
Great food
Losing probably close to 40lbs
Even better wine...and alcohol, seriously is there anything better than a bottle of caramel vodka (yes bottle)
Oh yeah and the women....I just had this really hot chick (yes Arbusto the really really hot one) email me back and beg for me to return even if it is for a "week, day, hour, or minute" end quote, she also then went on to explain she is putting her vibrator that we bought together to good and frequent use (why can't I find women like that here?)
What does the Furry do? I know most will say Europe, but those student loan payments/ and health insurance negatives are huge negatives.
NEGATIVES:
Gone for 3 months from family (including my nephew who is my favorite even though I am not supposed to have favorites)
Miss a good chunk of the football season
Have to put my stuff in storage
No health insurance
And most importantly.....not sure how to pay back student loans (if I never return though I won't have to...)
POSITIVES:
Real work experience in Europe, great for the resume
I am in FRIGGIN Europe maybe even FRANCE
Get to put my otherwise useless major to use
Great food
Losing probably close to 40lbs
Even better wine...and alcohol, seriously is there anything better than a bottle of caramel vodka (yes bottle)
Oh yeah and the women....I just had this really hot chick (yes Arbusto the really really hot one) email me back and beg for me to return even if it is for a "week, day, hour, or minute" end quote, she also then went on to explain she is putting her vibrator that we bought together to good and frequent use (why can't I find women like that here?)
What does the Furry do? I know most will say Europe, but those student loan payments/ and health insurance negatives are huge negatives.
Monday, April 16, 2007
My 1 inning date with Arbusto
So last Friday was horrible.
It was supposed to be nice. First let me explain, I am in a group of guys who have season tickets to the Twins. We get an allotment of games depending on how much we paid. The problem is though we got the tickets the day before the season started, there are 12 of us, and we can never get together to meet to pick dates for tickets. So right now we have this god awful system where we pick by email, send it on to the next person, he picks, etc. Rinse, repeat and start all over again. Well we are a few weeks into the season and we still haven't finished picking tickets. This means the guy who is in charge has all of the tickets and cannot distribute all of the tickets until he finds out who is going to what game. So what do you do with the games that are happening now? Good question and that is where the cluster fuck-up happens. He gives them to you either day of the game or day before the game.
Flash-forward now to Friday. I had tickets to the Twinkies vs TB Devil Rays. Santana vs Kazmir, a great pitching match-up and Morneau was getting his MVP from last year. A great game. Well I had signed up for one of the pairs (we have 4 seats total but divvy up the tickets by pairs) and no one else had claimed the other pair. I get a call from the ticket distributor to go pick up the tickets from his brother.
His brother is a bartender at a fairly busy bar in St. Paul, and oh yeah I had no idea who is brother was or what he looked like. So in my suave James Bond character mode I went into the restaurant, stepped up to the bar, and surveyed the scene. I saw the guy who had to be his brother and the conversation went down exactly like this:
Me: Are you Craig's....
Him: Yes. Tickets?
Me: Yes
Him: (slides over a manila envelope to me)
I felt like I had an assignment to kill someone contained in the envelope. Instead it contained 4 tickets. Yep 4 not two. I was confused. I had only asked for 2, but I thought he must have not have been able to find someone else for the other pair so he gave them to me. I logically came to this conclusion because in all of the emails no one had signed up for that pair, and the game before he had to give away a pair of tickets because no one wanted them or could go. So I assumed they were mine. To double check this assumption I called the all mighty ticket distributor. I got his voice mail and told him to call me back immediately.
Then Arbusto showed up and it was time to go to the game. By this time I had waited 15 minutes and had not received a call. (I used my home phone and not my cell because I don't like to give my cell out. This will come evident why soon.) Arbusto invited one of his friends Utah, so I had one extra ticket. When we got to the game I scalped the ticket.
Arbusto waited outside for Utah, and I went in because the game was starting. I had a great conversation with the guy who had bought the scalped ticket and found out the scalper made a nice profit. Arbusto then enters with Utah, and we all settle in to watch the game.
First inning finishes. Then I hear from the aisle, "Hey Furry what the hell? Where the hell is my pair of tickets?" It is someone who I know is part of this whole season ticket deal, and I have no idea what the hell he is talking about. I get up and walk to the aisle so this guy does not keep shouting and because he is making quite the scene. Let me describe this guy: short, way oeverweight, beard/scruff, mid 30's, thinks he knows baseball but doesn't, and had his 4 year old daughter with him.
As soon as I get into the aisle he bombards me with insults and questions as to where his tickets are. I explain I had no clue he was going to the game. He then says, "What the fuck you don't check your messages? What asshole doesn't check their messages? How stupid are you?" All while his daughter is standing right next to him. I tell him I would be more than willing to exchange the tickets he had bought for my seats. Since I very well couldn't make the guy who bought the scalped ticket, nor Arbusto's friend who drove 30-40 miles to get there, leave. I said Arbusto and I would give up our seats. He then informs me he was let in by security and does not have tickets. He continues to insult me.
At this point I see this is only going to get worse if I do anything else. I give him Arbusto's and my seat. We leave.
I get home and listen to my voice mails. He left me 3. Including the last one, which only said, "How stupid are you?" I then called the ticket distributor guy and told him the situation. I said it was a huge fuck up, let's not let it happen again, and that I did not appreciate Fuck Nut insulting me and leaving harassing messages.
Saturday I get home after helping my brother with a morning hot air balloon flight, and low and behold Fuck Nut has left another message here is what it said:
"I want to give you the opportunity to say what you want to say to me and quit harassing Craig with all the childish kind of crap. If you have something to say to me then call me. Don't go calling to Craig he isn't your Daddy is he or something, or I don't know is he your Mom? Why don't you just call me and tell me what you need to tell me, alright big guy."
Those are the exact words. First off this guy is one big Fuck Nut. Secondly YES IT IS CRAIGS PROBLEM, he is the one with the tickets, he is the one who gave me 4 and didn't explain it, he is the one who hasn't finished the draft before the season started.
Afterwards on Saturday I googled this guy to see what he does for a living. I did not find that, instead I found a court case for him being arrested for drag racing.
Yeah my weekend sucked. It sucked even worse when my grandma, mom, nephew (3 years old), and cousin (5 years old) went to the Twins game only to find Craig forgot to leave them their tickets.
P.S. Sorry SouthernCanadian for not calling back, and no I really wasn't mad at you, in fact good thing you didn't go to the game with us.
P.P.S. Furry may actually have a real date, sorry Arbusto you are too loose for me. I am sure I will have more Furry happenings to report about, God knows I can't have a normal date, even if it is a joke and with Arbusto.
It was supposed to be nice. First let me explain, I am in a group of guys who have season tickets to the Twins. We get an allotment of games depending on how much we paid. The problem is though we got the tickets the day before the season started, there are 12 of us, and we can never get together to meet to pick dates for tickets. So right now we have this god awful system where we pick by email, send it on to the next person, he picks, etc. Rinse, repeat and start all over again. Well we are a few weeks into the season and we still haven't finished picking tickets. This means the guy who is in charge has all of the tickets and cannot distribute all of the tickets until he finds out who is going to what game. So what do you do with the games that are happening now? Good question and that is where the cluster fuck-up happens. He gives them to you either day of the game or day before the game.
Flash-forward now to Friday. I had tickets to the Twinkies vs TB Devil Rays. Santana vs Kazmir, a great pitching match-up and Morneau was getting his MVP from last year. A great game. Well I had signed up for one of the pairs (we have 4 seats total but divvy up the tickets by pairs) and no one else had claimed the other pair. I get a call from the ticket distributor to go pick up the tickets from his brother.
His brother is a bartender at a fairly busy bar in St. Paul, and oh yeah I had no idea who is brother was or what he looked like. So in my suave James Bond character mode I went into the restaurant, stepped up to the bar, and surveyed the scene. I saw the guy who had to be his brother and the conversation went down exactly like this:
Me: Are you Craig's....
Him: Yes. Tickets?
Me: Yes
Him: (slides over a manila envelope to me)
I felt like I had an assignment to kill someone contained in the envelope. Instead it contained 4 tickets. Yep 4 not two. I was confused. I had only asked for 2, but I thought he must have not have been able to find someone else for the other pair so he gave them to me. I logically came to this conclusion because in all of the emails no one had signed up for that pair, and the game before he had to give away a pair of tickets because no one wanted them or could go. So I assumed they were mine. To double check this assumption I called the all mighty ticket distributor. I got his voice mail and told him to call me back immediately.
Then Arbusto showed up and it was time to go to the game. By this time I had waited 15 minutes and had not received a call. (I used my home phone and not my cell because I don't like to give my cell out. This will come evident why soon.) Arbusto invited one of his friends Utah, so I had one extra ticket. When we got to the game I scalped the ticket.
Arbusto waited outside for Utah, and I went in because the game was starting. I had a great conversation with the guy who had bought the scalped ticket and found out the scalper made a nice profit. Arbusto then enters with Utah, and we all settle in to watch the game.
First inning finishes. Then I hear from the aisle, "Hey Furry what the hell? Where the hell is my pair of tickets?" It is someone who I know is part of this whole season ticket deal, and I have no idea what the hell he is talking about. I get up and walk to the aisle so this guy does not keep shouting and because he is making quite the scene. Let me describe this guy: short, way oeverweight, beard/scruff, mid 30's, thinks he knows baseball but doesn't, and had his 4 year old daughter with him.
As soon as I get into the aisle he bombards me with insults and questions as to where his tickets are. I explain I had no clue he was going to the game. He then says, "What the fuck you don't check your messages? What asshole doesn't check their messages? How stupid are you?" All while his daughter is standing right next to him. I tell him I would be more than willing to exchange the tickets he had bought for my seats. Since I very well couldn't make the guy who bought the scalped ticket, nor Arbusto's friend who drove 30-40 miles to get there, leave. I said Arbusto and I would give up our seats. He then informs me he was let in by security and does not have tickets. He continues to insult me.
At this point I see this is only going to get worse if I do anything else. I give him Arbusto's and my seat. We leave.
I get home and listen to my voice mails. He left me 3. Including the last one, which only said, "How stupid are you?" I then called the ticket distributor guy and told him the situation. I said it was a huge fuck up, let's not let it happen again, and that I did not appreciate Fuck Nut insulting me and leaving harassing messages.
Saturday I get home after helping my brother with a morning hot air balloon flight, and low and behold Fuck Nut has left another message here is what it said:
"I want to give you the opportunity to say what you want to say to me and quit harassing Craig with all the childish kind of crap. If you have something to say to me then call me. Don't go calling to Craig he isn't your Daddy is he or something, or I don't know is he your Mom? Why don't you just call me and tell me what you need to tell me, alright big guy."
Those are the exact words. First off this guy is one big Fuck Nut. Secondly YES IT IS CRAIGS PROBLEM, he is the one with the tickets, he is the one who gave me 4 and didn't explain it, he is the one who hasn't finished the draft before the season started.
Afterwards on Saturday I googled this guy to see what he does for a living. I did not find that, instead I found a court case for him being arrested for drag racing.
Yeah my weekend sucked. It sucked even worse when my grandma, mom, nephew (3 years old), and cousin (5 years old) went to the Twins game only to find Craig forgot to leave them their tickets.
P.S. Sorry SouthernCanadian for not calling back, and no I really wasn't mad at you, in fact good thing you didn't go to the game with us.
P.P.S. Furry may actually have a real date, sorry Arbusto you are too loose for me. I am sure I will have more Furry happenings to report about, God knows I can't have a normal date, even if it is a joke and with Arbusto.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
HATE: Charity Organization
So I could pick an easy choice here and pick one of those annoying police "charities" that call during the holiday times, or I could pick one of those African child starving as they bathe in toxic waste and eat maggots out of rotting tires that you only see on at 1AM on a weekday.
No, no that is not how Furry rolls. Rather Furry likes to pick a charity that everyone can hate...so the Furry chooses (drumroll please) the Red Cross/Crescent/Whatever the hell you call it. Seriously why do I give money to a charity that cannot make up its mind what it wants to do. What does the Red Cross do as a charity does it give blood to drug-addict gunshot victims, does it help people who choose to live in a flood plain with a faulty levee, does it walk into prisoner of war camps to make sure the "rules" of war are obeyed, or do they give shelter to people who burn down their own apartments? Seriously people make up your mind. At least the Salvation Army knows its place and does not infringe on everything. I mean sure you have to put up with annoying undressed Santas outside the store where you buying expensive gifts for your loved ones that really need these gifts.
What really irks me about the Red Cross is they are able to enter Gitmo under the premise that they are upholding the Geneva Conventions, but don't we all know anyone named the Red Crescent is really subverting the government and supplying information and supplies to all of those terrorists that harmed the US by......well we don't know how because they haven't had their trial, but we will know in 15 years when their trial takes place.
I wouldn't mind the Red Cross so much if they didn't help out disaster victims. Don't you think God had the disaster for a reason? You wonder why God isn't smiting anyone, its becaus the Red Cross is ruining his beautiful work. Hurricane Katrina...ruined by the Red Cross, Earthquakes...ruined, city fires....ruined, tornadoes...ruined, Tsunamis.....ruined. LET GOD DO HIS WORK.
So what is this coherent, logical argument ultimately trying to say? The Red Cross is actually trying to destroy the world by keeping the human population at its all time high. So remember the next time they ask you to write your Congressmen about atrocities and torture at prisons in war zones say, "Not me, I am a Patriot." The next time there is a natural disaster say, "No donations from me, I am doing God's work." And finally and most importantly, the next time they ask you to give blood say, "No you cannot have my precious blood, I am trying to save the world."
If you do feel so compelled to give to a charity though try Amanda the Panda. Trust me.
No, no that is not how Furry rolls. Rather Furry likes to pick a charity that everyone can hate...so the Furry chooses (drumroll please) the Red Cross/Crescent/Whatever the hell you call it. Seriously why do I give money to a charity that cannot make up its mind what it wants to do. What does the Red Cross do as a charity does it give blood to drug-addict gunshot victims, does it help people who choose to live in a flood plain with a faulty levee, does it walk into prisoner of war camps to make sure the "rules" of war are obeyed, or do they give shelter to people who burn down their own apartments? Seriously people make up your mind. At least the Salvation Army knows its place and does not infringe on everything. I mean sure you have to put up with annoying undressed Santas outside the store where you buying expensive gifts for your loved ones that really need these gifts.
What really irks me about the Red Cross is they are able to enter Gitmo under the premise that they are upholding the Geneva Conventions, but don't we all know anyone named the Red Crescent is really subverting the government and supplying information and supplies to all of those terrorists that harmed the US by......well we don't know how because they haven't had their trial, but we will know in 15 years when their trial takes place.
I wouldn't mind the Red Cross so much if they didn't help out disaster victims. Don't you think God had the disaster for a reason? You wonder why God isn't smiting anyone, its becaus the Red Cross is ruining his beautiful work. Hurricane Katrina...ruined by the Red Cross, Earthquakes...ruined, city fires....ruined, tornadoes...ruined, Tsunamis.....ruined. LET GOD DO HIS WORK.
So what is this coherent, logical argument ultimately trying to say? The Red Cross is actually trying to destroy the world by keeping the human population at its all time high. So remember the next time they ask you to write your Congressmen about atrocities and torture at prisons in war zones say, "Not me, I am a Patriot." The next time there is a natural disaster say, "No donations from me, I am doing God's work." And finally and most importantly, the next time they ask you to give blood say, "No you cannot have my precious blood, I am trying to save the world."
If you do feel so compelled to give to a charity though try Amanda the Panda. Trust me.
Monday, April 02, 2007
8th Circuit Court throws out the Furry
So the 8th Circuit US Appellate Court had oral arguments at my law school today. No I didn't get thrown out by the massive US Marshall guarding the door, but I thought I was going to be. See I wasn't thinking about dressing for court this morning. It felt like a normal day at classes, so I wore the normal attire khaki shorts and some sort of shirt. If you don't know shorts are a no-no in court. So I realize this as I get to school. What to do?
I decided to test the waters and see who was entering the room. It wasn't looking good seeing other students all suited up with a tie. I thought well I gave it a shot. Then I saw some with jeans enter in. I decided then to test it out. I neared the door where the huge muscular Marshall was standing and began to enter. He stops me and says, "Excuse me sir....no book bags in the courtroom." Oh okay, I drop off the bag and try the re-entry. I finally enter and take my seat in the back so that the Justices cannot see me. Just in case.
Fast-forward to five minutes before the Justices enter the room, and the same Marshall approaches near me. I began to sweat a little. Turns out the person in front of me had some coffee and no liquids were allowed. Dodged another bullet.
The rest of the time I sat and tried not to draw attention to myself. That was one of the most uncomfortable 2 hours I have endured. At least I didn't look like the idiot in front of me who had on a blue blazer that had some sort of large cheap insignia over the left breast pocket area. Not only did it look cheap, but he had the collar completely up, so basically he looked like a man in his 60s, trying to get on a private yacht, even though he is homeless. He still looked better than me.
How did this day in court end? Oh yeah, the second to last case two gentlemen sat directly next to me. One was clearly a lawyer, the other clearly not a lawyer. I look at the schedule and the only case left deals with a felon who is guilty of several burglaries, including stealing a shot gun. Sure enough when the last case starts, the lawyer takes his position in front of the podium, leaving his client the armed felon sitting next to me. Since, I was taking notes on the lawyers I made sure to only right good things regarding his attorney. With a felon sitting next to me, and a Marshall who I thought had it out for me, I wasn't taking any chances.
I decided to test the waters and see who was entering the room. It wasn't looking good seeing other students all suited up with a tie. I thought well I gave it a shot. Then I saw some with jeans enter in. I decided then to test it out. I neared the door where the huge muscular Marshall was standing and began to enter. He stops me and says, "Excuse me sir....no book bags in the courtroom." Oh okay, I drop off the bag and try the re-entry. I finally enter and take my seat in the back so that the Justices cannot see me. Just in case.
Fast-forward to five minutes before the Justices enter the room, and the same Marshall approaches near me. I began to sweat a little. Turns out the person in front of me had some coffee and no liquids were allowed. Dodged another bullet.
The rest of the time I sat and tried not to draw attention to myself. That was one of the most uncomfortable 2 hours I have endured. At least I didn't look like the idiot in front of me who had on a blue blazer that had some sort of large cheap insignia over the left breast pocket area. Not only did it look cheap, but he had the collar completely up, so basically he looked like a man in his 60s, trying to get on a private yacht, even though he is homeless. He still looked better than me.
How did this day in court end? Oh yeah, the second to last case two gentlemen sat directly next to me. One was clearly a lawyer, the other clearly not a lawyer. I look at the schedule and the only case left deals with a felon who is guilty of several burglaries, including stealing a shot gun. Sure enough when the last case starts, the lawyer takes his position in front of the podium, leaving his client the armed felon sitting next to me. Since, I was taking notes on the lawyers I made sure to only right good things regarding his attorney. With a felon sitting next to me, and a Marshall who I thought had it out for me, I wasn't taking any chances.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
HATE: Wildcard.....Musicals
I cannot stand musicals, you name it, I hate it. Cats: hate, Rent: hate, West Side Story: hate, South Pacific: hate, Grease: hate, Guys and Dolls: hate, Les Mis: hate, [Insert any other musical title]: hate.
In fact there are maybe two I don't hate, but I cannot say with certainty because I have not seem them: Monty Python's Holy Grail and Mel Brooks' The Producers. Mainly because they are so funny and were originally movies it would take an idiot to wreck them. But believe Broadway could find a away and easily.
See my irrational hatred for musicals stems from my minute ability to act. In high school I was in several plays (lead roles), voted best actor out of 2,000 people, and even received a $15,000 scholarship to act at the college I first attended. So sure I wasn't much of an actor but kind of knew what was going on. That coupled with my love for the movies allows me to think (even if it isn't true) that I can tell what is good acting (Gwyneth Paltrow) and what is bad acting (Ben Affleck).
So this brings me back to musicals--THEY ARE FILLED WITH BAD ACTORS. Usually what happens is the singing voice is picked over their ability to act. Thus causing the musical to be complete crap because now you have singers trying to act. This upsets beyond nothing else. How can you have something on stage where there is a story being told, and have no actors on that stage? It is ridiculous. I singled out The Producers and Monty Python because in their original casting they actually had actors rather than singers playing the parts. Sure the singing may not be the greatest but what detracts more from the story a person who you can't follow or believe because their acting is so bad, or someone who might be off pitch or key occasionally? I thought so.
I think there should be a boycott on any musical or play putting singing voice above acting ability when casting. That being said in one of my insomnia filled nights I looked up an old classmate from high school who I haven't heard from ever. He is apparently pretty big in the Dallas musical/opera scene. I would go to his musical, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't HATE it.
In fact there are maybe two I don't hate, but I cannot say with certainty because I have not seem them: Monty Python's Holy Grail and Mel Brooks' The Producers. Mainly because they are so funny and were originally movies it would take an idiot to wreck them. But believe Broadway could find a away and easily.
See my irrational hatred for musicals stems from my minute ability to act. In high school I was in several plays (lead roles), voted best actor out of 2,000 people, and even received a $15,000 scholarship to act at the college I first attended. So sure I wasn't much of an actor but kind of knew what was going on. That coupled with my love for the movies allows me to think (even if it isn't true) that I can tell what is good acting (Gwyneth Paltrow) and what is bad acting (Ben Affleck).
So this brings me back to musicals--THEY ARE FILLED WITH BAD ACTORS. Usually what happens is the singing voice is picked over their ability to act. Thus causing the musical to be complete crap because now you have singers trying to act. This upsets beyond nothing else. How can you have something on stage where there is a story being told, and have no actors on that stage? It is ridiculous. I singled out The Producers and Monty Python because in their original casting they actually had actors rather than singers playing the parts. Sure the singing may not be the greatest but what detracts more from the story a person who you can't follow or believe because their acting is so bad, or someone who might be off pitch or key occasionally? I thought so.
I think there should be a boycott on any musical or play putting singing voice above acting ability when casting. That being said in one of my insomnia filled nights I looked up an old classmate from high school who I haven't heard from ever. He is apparently pretty big in the Dallas musical/opera scene. I would go to his musical, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't HATE it.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
What are the Twin Cities coming to?
So the other day I was driving to get some lunch during break from class. I noticed something smoldering in the road. I just assumed it was a cigarette someone had thrown out (which I hate when people do that, but I digress.) As I drove through it, I realized it was not a cigarette. I turned to B sitting next to me in the car and said, "That wasn't a cigarette was it?" He responded with, "Definitely wasn't." Instead it was as Gregory Hines called it Roman Red, Wacky Weed, or Mighty Joint.
So, so what there was a joint in the middle of an extremely busy road, across from a police station, wafting it's fumes to nearby passers. The best of the weekend was Sunday at McDonalds in a suburb just north of St. Paul. Again during lunch break of classes another friend and I went to a nearby McDos. While eating away my friend pointed out one of the greatest things I have ever seen at a McDos. A man pulled up in a very large probably late 80s Lincoln. He stepped out with a large leather coat the length of a trench coat, boots, and sunglasses. But what really topped off Smokey's outfit (that is what the employees at McDos knew him as, yes they knew him) was the large brown fedora with a feather sticking out of it and the accompanying cane with his outfit. Yes, I think we can all clearly say Smokey was a pimp. And he was looking pimpalicious.
Sadly I could not find any photos of a pimp on google that would do this guy justice.
So, so what there was a joint in the middle of an extremely busy road, across from a police station, wafting it's fumes to nearby passers. The best of the weekend was Sunday at McDonalds in a suburb just north of St. Paul. Again during lunch break of classes another friend and I went to a nearby McDos. While eating away my friend pointed out one of the greatest things I have ever seen at a McDos. A man pulled up in a very large probably late 80s Lincoln. He stepped out with a large leather coat the length of a trench coat, boots, and sunglasses. But what really topped off Smokey's outfit (that is what the employees at McDos knew him as, yes they knew him) was the large brown fedora with a feather sticking out of it and the accompanying cane with his outfit. Yes, I think we can all clearly say Smokey was a pimp. And he was looking pimpalicious.
Sadly I could not find any photos of a pimp on google that would do this guy justice.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
HATE: NCAA March Madness Nicknames
Everyone loves March Madness, a bunch of kids playing basketball for free while millions of people spend millions of dollars betting on who screws up the least. Along with March Madness come the crazy announcers shouting god knows what as the seconds tick away and Lebron Jordan shoots a buzzer beater that clangs out of the rim and they lose.
So what can be better than that?
How about the 64 teams nicknames. This year the field has such classics as Long Beach State "Beaches", Southern Illinois "Salukies" (I actually like the sound of that), Oregon "Ducks", Texas A&M CC "Islanders", Tennessee "Volunteers", and the list goes on. Be careful not to upset the Ducks on the Beach of the Islanders as the Salukie chases those damn Volunteers. That just scares the bejesus out of me.
But all of these pail in comparison to the very nickname synonymous with horror, one that strikes fear into any man or woman who even mumbles the name, one whose name causes your ears to bleed if the very name is even mentioned.....
The Penn "Quakers" Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Okay first off we are talking about an Ivy League school. Can they not think of anything better than Quakers? Are they not smarter than that? Or is it because it deals with sports they automatically suck at it? I mean this is the alma mater of Warren Buffet and Donald Trump. Yes I will say it, whoever came up with the "Quaker" nickname, "You're fired!"
So I know all nicknames are not threatening but unless a school called themselves the Mother Theresas, the Ghandis, or the jumping jesuses (how do you make Jesus plural) you could not have picked more pacifying name. Everyone knows Quakers "turn the other cheek". I hope to God that Penn does not have a hockey team. That would just be devastating.
Now I can make fun of them because growing up I went to "meetings". Yes that is Quaker service or in today's terms Society of Friends (apparently Quaker is too old fashion). My Dad is a Quaker. My mom ELCA Lutheran. That meant I spent one week at boring old Lutheran service as my Grandma and I pointed and laughed at people who danced to the music or clapped their hands as the "spirit swayed them", and the next week at meeting.
I was young when going to meetings so let me tell you what I remember about them. We would go to a normal looking house type building with about 20 people there. I would grab a magazine, usually a Zoobook (I loved those) and everyone would sit in a circle. Everyone but me, who was intently reading how fast a Cheetah can run, would be silent and staring at nothing for about 20 minutes. Then out of the blue someone would stand up and say something that either concerned them or that they read in the news. At this point I had moved on to how bats can "see" in pitch black caves. Then after another 10 minutes or so of more silence or someone occasionally saying that they were saddened by the plight of the migrant farmers in Pushatanwali, we would break for cookies, cheese, crackers, and coffee. I would go to some lame Sunday School where we learned how the Quakers were persecuted by the English so they came to the US. Then on the way home we would listen to Casey Kasem's top 40. All in all Quaker service completely ruled Lutheran service. I have never learned so much about animals as I did in meeting. As it turns out I know understand why they were silent, they were meditating, hopefully my page turning didn't upset them.
So remember the Quakers didn't lose to the Aggies (the real Texas A&M in the tournament), they turned the other cheek.
And I know I still have night terrors of hearing Jim Nantz yell, "Here come the Quakers running down the court!"
So what can be better than that?
How about the 64 teams nicknames. This year the field has such classics as Long Beach State "Beaches", Southern Illinois "Salukies" (I actually like the sound of that), Oregon "Ducks", Texas A&M CC "Islanders", Tennessee "Volunteers", and the list goes on. Be careful not to upset the Ducks on the Beach of the Islanders as the Salukie chases those damn Volunteers. That just scares the bejesus out of me.
But all of these pail in comparison to the very nickname synonymous with horror, one that strikes fear into any man or woman who even mumbles the name, one whose name causes your ears to bleed if the very name is even mentioned.....
The Penn "Quakers" Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Okay first off we are talking about an Ivy League school. Can they not think of anything better than Quakers? Are they not smarter than that? Or is it because it deals with sports they automatically suck at it? I mean this is the alma mater of Warren Buffet and Donald Trump. Yes I will say it, whoever came up with the "Quaker" nickname, "You're fired!"
So I know all nicknames are not threatening but unless a school called themselves the Mother Theresas, the Ghandis, or the jumping jesuses (how do you make Jesus plural) you could not have picked more pacifying name. Everyone knows Quakers "turn the other cheek". I hope to God that Penn does not have a hockey team. That would just be devastating.
Now I can make fun of them because growing up I went to "meetings". Yes that is Quaker service or in today's terms Society of Friends (apparently Quaker is too old fashion). My Dad is a Quaker. My mom ELCA Lutheran. That meant I spent one week at boring old Lutheran service as my Grandma and I pointed and laughed at people who danced to the music or clapped their hands as the "spirit swayed them", and the next week at meeting.
I was young when going to meetings so let me tell you what I remember about them. We would go to a normal looking house type building with about 20 people there. I would grab a magazine, usually a Zoobook (I loved those) and everyone would sit in a circle. Everyone but me, who was intently reading how fast a Cheetah can run, would be silent and staring at nothing for about 20 minutes. Then out of the blue someone would stand up and say something that either concerned them or that they read in the news. At this point I had moved on to how bats can "see" in pitch black caves. Then after another 10 minutes or so of more silence or someone occasionally saying that they were saddened by the plight of the migrant farmers in Pushatanwali, we would break for cookies, cheese, crackers, and coffee. I would go to some lame Sunday School where we learned how the Quakers were persecuted by the English so they came to the US. Then on the way home we would listen to Casey Kasem's top 40. All in all Quaker service completely ruled Lutheran service. I have never learned so much about animals as I did in meeting. As it turns out I know understand why they were silent, they were meditating, hopefully my page turning didn't upset them.
So remember the Quakers didn't lose to the Aggies (the real Texas A&M in the tournament), they turned the other cheek.
And I know I still have night terrors of hearing Jim Nantz yell, "Here come the Quakers running down the court!"
Thursday, March 15, 2007
HATE: Source of Electricity- Wind
I hate wind energy. It is horrible to think we can use it energize our nation or world. I think the only way to go is the route North Korea and Iran are trying.
This is why I hate wind:
1. I hate when they say we can "harvest wind". Do we have large combines going through the sky to shuck the clouds of wind? NO. Who says the wind is ours anyways? I think the Indians would be pretty pissed if they knew we were stealing the wind. It isn't their wind, it isn't our wind, and it isn't Al Gore's wind. What would happen if I went to a corn field in Iowa and started harvesting corn that wasn't mine? Exactly.
2. In order to create wind energy they put up massive blades of death in random places and fields. If I was50 feet tall I could easily be decapitated. There are no warning signs for this, I think this is a secret plot by all the Davids of the world to kill off the remaining Goliaths. I mean how would you feel if you read in the paper Andre the Giant was killed by a wind turbine chopping off his head?
3. What is going to happen without the wind? Will weather change? Will I be able to fly my kite anymore? I mean seriously without wind how will I cool myself off, perspiration needs a little breeze to work. There won't be any really cold days either because there will be no wind. More importantly how will I be able to hot air balloon. I will get up and won't go anywhere. I think hot air balloonists around the world need to lobby against wind turbines. For that matter glider pilots can join in too.
4. God, Old Man Winter, Mother Nature, Poseiden, Thor, whoever the hell creates the wind will soon be out of breath if we keep stealing it from him/her. I don't think any of those gods or demi-gods would take too kind to that. Thus harvesting wind energy will lead to the wrath of God on us.
As you all see wind energy is a serious problem and that is why this nation needs to use more oil rather than depend on wind. I think more global wars in order to gain more oil are needed.
This is why I hate wind:
1. I hate when they say we can "harvest wind". Do we have large combines going through the sky to shuck the clouds of wind? NO. Who says the wind is ours anyways? I think the Indians would be pretty pissed if they knew we were stealing the wind. It isn't their wind, it isn't our wind, and it isn't Al Gore's wind. What would happen if I went to a corn field in Iowa and started harvesting corn that wasn't mine? Exactly.
2. In order to create wind energy they put up massive blades of death in random places and fields. If I was50 feet tall I could easily be decapitated. There are no warning signs for this, I think this is a secret plot by all the Davids of the world to kill off the remaining Goliaths. I mean how would you feel if you read in the paper Andre the Giant was killed by a wind turbine chopping off his head?
3. What is going to happen without the wind? Will weather change? Will I be able to fly my kite anymore? I mean seriously without wind how will I cool myself off, perspiration needs a little breeze to work. There won't be any really cold days either because there will be no wind. More importantly how will I be able to hot air balloon. I will get up and won't go anywhere. I think hot air balloonists around the world need to lobby against wind turbines. For that matter glider pilots can join in too.
4. God, Old Man Winter, Mother Nature, Poseiden, Thor, whoever the hell creates the wind will soon be out of breath if we keep stealing it from him/her. I don't think any of those gods or demi-gods would take too kind to that. Thus harvesting wind energy will lead to the wrath of God on us.
As you all see wind energy is a serious problem and that is why this nation needs to use more oil rather than depend on wind. I think more global wars in order to gain more oil are needed.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Yes I am George Costanza
So this story may be a little...disturbing to some, funny to others, but mostly gross.
The other day I was over at a friend's apartment (don't worry Arbusto, not yours or anyone you know). We were just hanging out, it was him, his girlfriend, and me. I had been over there awhile playing some Madden '07 when I had a sudden urge to use the toilet. Nothing new for me, I have a stomach condition that causes frequent visits to the toilet. It is like my second home. (Not that it matters here but I am an international toilet expert.)
Anyways I am done with business, but I know this is going to be a messy wipe. Yes Mona the toilet paper flap was hanging down or over the top.) So this is where my Georgeness comes through. Sometimes, as gross or environmental as it may be, if I grab too much toilet paper, I will wipe, fold, and wipe again. I don't want to clog the toilet or use tons of paper. Well this time I brought it up just enough to fold, yes I am weird I know this, anyways as I brought it up I apparently had a lot on that piece of toilet paper. Why do I know this? Because as I brought it up a piece of poo....yes poo flew four feet and landed on their bathroom floor.
Now I have a 2 inch piece of poo laying on my friend's bathroom floor. Thank God it was a vinyl floor that I could easily wipe up, make sure it was clean, and walk out like nothing happened.
I guess we are more closely related to chimps than I thought, why else would I be flinging poo.
The other day I was over at a friend's apartment (don't worry Arbusto, not yours or anyone you know). We were just hanging out, it was him, his girlfriend, and me. I had been over there awhile playing some Madden '07 when I had a sudden urge to use the toilet. Nothing new for me, I have a stomach condition that causes frequent visits to the toilet. It is like my second home. (Not that it matters here but I am an international toilet expert.)
Anyways I am done with business, but I know this is going to be a messy wipe. Yes Mona the toilet paper flap was hanging down or over the top.) So this is where my Georgeness comes through. Sometimes, as gross or environmental as it may be, if I grab too much toilet paper, I will wipe, fold, and wipe again. I don't want to clog the toilet or use tons of paper. Well this time I brought it up just enough to fold, yes I am weird I know this, anyways as I brought it up I apparently had a lot on that piece of toilet paper. Why do I know this? Because as I brought it up a piece of poo....yes poo flew four feet and landed on their bathroom floor.
Now I have a 2 inch piece of poo laying on my friend's bathroom floor. Thank God it was a vinyl floor that I could easily wipe up, make sure it was clean, and walk out like nothing happened.
I guess we are more closely related to chimps than I thought, why else would I be flinging poo.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
HATE: City Transportation
I live in St. Paul a town of roughly 300,000 but with Minneapolis and the surrounding communities you get up over a million. And the public transportation sucks. I live somewhere between 7-12 miles from school. Yet there is no way for me to get to school unless I drive. It is pathetic. Seriously I have two buses that are right near where I live, but the lines go nowhere. I would have to make 3 changes just to get to school. Hell I can't even walk anywhere really because there is a massive hill that I live on, now I am lazy but I wouldn't mind walking up a hill....if THERE WERE FRIGGIN SIDEWALKS. Seriously how can there not be sidewalks on two fairly major roads???
So everyone is waiting for me to compare US cities to European cities, like Paris. Well I won't. Europe is different the cities are closer, more compact. It is easier to have subways, trams, and the such to get around. Hell I can walk 6 miles in Paris and go from Montparnasse in the South to la Grande Arche in the Northeast and feel like nothing. Here I walk 6 miles and I feel like I get nowhere.
Now St. Paul does have a "light rail" basically a subway just above ground. It is great for me, I have to drive to it, but it take me into Minneapolis (I hate driving in Minneapolis). Other than that though, the light rail goes nowhere. It is worthless for most. I love that once the decide to put in public transportation like the light rail, it goes nowhere much like the buses near me.
I hate driving 8 miles or whatever to get to school for no real reason, why the hell can't we have public transportation? I HATE US public transportation. I am surprised I don't have to fly just to get to school.
So everyone is waiting for me to compare US cities to European cities, like Paris. Well I won't. Europe is different the cities are closer, more compact. It is easier to have subways, trams, and the such to get around. Hell I can walk 6 miles in Paris and go from Montparnasse in the South to la Grande Arche in the Northeast and feel like nothing. Here I walk 6 miles and I feel like I get nowhere.
Now St. Paul does have a "light rail" basically a subway just above ground. It is great for me, I have to drive to it, but it take me into Minneapolis (I hate driving in Minneapolis). Other than that though, the light rail goes nowhere. It is worthless for most. I love that once the decide to put in public transportation like the light rail, it goes nowhere much like the buses near me.
I hate driving 8 miles or whatever to get to school for no real reason, why the hell can't we have public transportation? I HATE US public transportation. I am surprised I don't have to fly just to get to school.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Thank you Arbusto
Yes I am thanking Arbusto as much as it pains me. Twice even. One is a real genuine thank you, and the other is a sarcastic son of a bitch thank you.
Genuine: As Arbusto so aptly pointed out....I forgot my wallet. Normally not a horrible thing, just a pain in the ass. Well this day I was in court suing American Airlines, which I won because the cowards did not show, and I had to park in a parking ramp in downtown St. Paul. Not having money, atm, or credit card and parking in a ramp is not a good combination. Thankfully Arbusto was kind enough to stop chaffing his palm, put on clothes, and drive down to St. Paul. Not only that he loaned me money. Yay Arbusto, but I still like Leela better. The exchange was funny because we were right across from the courthouse where there are a ton of police and Arbusto pulls up in the little drop-off area by the hotel where I was parked. He rolled down his window, I leaned in, he handed me money, and then he drove off. Yes it was exactly like a drug deal went down.
Sarcastic: Thank you Arbusto for the other day in class. We were in our acting for lawyers class (the fancy name is forensic oratory, learning how to speak, but basically it is acting for lawyers), and we were playing an improv game, think Whose Line Is It Anyways.
A: (Approaches B with imaginary box/present)
B: Thank you very much A for this present, what is it?
A: It is a _________
B: Thank you A for this _______. It is the best ______ I have ever had because __________.
So we were supposed to choose our present based off of what the person ahead of us had chosen. First I will do the group before Arbusto's group then his group.
B: Thank you very much A for this present, what is it?
A: It is a Kiwi.
B: Thank you A for this Kiwi. It is the best Kiwi I have ever had because it is so furry.
New B: Thank you very much Arbusto for this present, what is it?
Arbusto: It is.....(yes he put my name here, no no one in class knew my nickname was "Furry", although it was a little embarassing, didn't crack the top ten most embarassing moments in Furry history).
So thank you Arbusto for using my nickname in class when no one knows why you call me Furry. I hate you.
Genuine: As Arbusto so aptly pointed out....I forgot my wallet. Normally not a horrible thing, just a pain in the ass. Well this day I was in court suing American Airlines, which I won because the cowards did not show, and I had to park in a parking ramp in downtown St. Paul. Not having money, atm, or credit card and parking in a ramp is not a good combination. Thankfully Arbusto was kind enough to stop chaffing his palm, put on clothes, and drive down to St. Paul. Not only that he loaned me money. Yay Arbusto, but I still like Leela better. The exchange was funny because we were right across from the courthouse where there are a ton of police and Arbusto pulls up in the little drop-off area by the hotel where I was parked. He rolled down his window, I leaned in, he handed me money, and then he drove off. Yes it was exactly like a drug deal went down.
Sarcastic: Thank you Arbusto for the other day in class. We were in our acting for lawyers class (the fancy name is forensic oratory, learning how to speak, but basically it is acting for lawyers), and we were playing an improv game, think Whose Line Is It Anyways.
A: (Approaches B with imaginary box/present)
B: Thank you very much A for this present, what is it?
A: It is a _________
B: Thank you A for this _______. It is the best ______ I have ever had because __________.
So we were supposed to choose our present based off of what the person ahead of us had chosen. First I will do the group before Arbusto's group then his group.
B: Thank you very much A for this present, what is it?
A: It is a Kiwi.
B: Thank you A for this Kiwi. It is the best Kiwi I have ever had because it is so furry.
New B: Thank you very much Arbusto for this present, what is it?
Arbusto: It is.....(yes he put my name here, no no one in class knew my nickname was "Furry", although it was a little embarassing, didn't crack the top ten most embarassing moments in Furry history).
So thank you Arbusto for using my nickname in class when no one knows why you call me Furry. I hate you.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Photo Time: Blizzards and French Family
So I became a little less lazy being snowed in and decided to post some pics I finally downloaded to my computer so here you go...
This is what nearly 2 feet of snow (in less than a week) looks like from outside my patio door:
And this is the French host family I stayed with. Sorry they all kind of look creepy in the photos but they were taken at 3AM on Christmas eve after a party where we all drank and ate too much. From left to right: Brother of the host that I didn't meet till that day but who insisted on being in the photos; the host who teaches 17th century French lit at the Harvard of France; the middle daughter who is dating a French Polynesian prince; oldest daughter who became really bitchy the last few weeks because she was trying to stop smoking; and finally the youngest daughter who was extremely hot and would unknowingly flaunt it by wearing small night gowns around the house and talk to me. No she wasn't flirting she was really just that naive. She also puked 15 minutes after the photo because she ate too much at the party, she was at it for quite awhile too. I knew because my room was adjacent to the bathroom, and it wasn't a silent hurl.
This is what nearly 2 feet of snow (in less than a week) looks like from outside my patio door:
And this is the French host family I stayed with. Sorry they all kind of look creepy in the photos but they were taken at 3AM on Christmas eve after a party where we all drank and ate too much. From left to right: Brother of the host that I didn't meet till that day but who insisted on being in the photos; the host who teaches 17th century French lit at the Harvard of France; the middle daughter who is dating a French Polynesian prince; oldest daughter who became really bitchy the last few weeks because she was trying to stop smoking; and finally the youngest daughter who was extremely hot and would unknowingly flaunt it by wearing small night gowns around the house and talk to me. No she wasn't flirting she was really just that naive. She also puked 15 minutes after the photo because she ate too much at the party, she was at it for quite awhile too. I knew because my room was adjacent to the bathroom, and it wasn't a silent hurl.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
LATE HATE
Sorry this is getting up so late....I just got lazy today. This week is a WILD CARD. As the Busto explains we won't do this too much.
My HATE for this week is: Mandatory Attendance in Class
I hate attending classes because I am forced to attend them. What is the point of mandatory attendance? I look at it as a free open market that should not be altered by controlling forces such as mandatory attendance rules. Let me exlpain:
Different people feel differently about different classes and different people learn differently in different classes. There are some classes that I don't have to read for and understand most everything, and other classes I read 3 times and still have no idea what the hell is going on. This goes for attendance too.
If a person does not want to go to class he/she shouldn't have to go to class. There are always choices as to why they may not want to go, and there are consequences. For some people the consequences are not outweighed by the benefit of not attending so they don't attend, others the balance shifts the other way so they do go. But this is my point, let the people decide.
If someone does not go to class they are not going to hear the class lecture, discussion, and questions that my be brought up. That is their loss and they know this ahead of time. Sometimes though the material is so redundant, boring, or non-informative that these people not attending will not miss anything. IT IS THEIR CHOICE....LET THEM MAKE IT.
Some might argue that mandatory attendance is to make sure everyone has a decent shot of passing. WHO CARES!!! If they don't ever go to class, don't know the material, don't know what the prof wants, and then proceeds to fail, it is the choice they made. They knew that going into the test.
On the other hand there are people like my best friend back home that is so smart that he didn't attend any classes in his advanced math class (he was a math major) and aced the test; in addition, he had made a deal with the prof (since he hadn't done any of the homework) that if he aced it he would pass the class, if not he would fail. Voila, as I already said he aced it so he passed.
There are some classes that people will sleep through (I do this, although less and less this year). How is mandatory attendance helping here? Now you just have a body in the class that might occasionally snore, instead of an empty chair. THEY END UP BEING THE SAME THING. Furthermore, if a prof wants people attend all they have to do is MAKE THE FRIGGIN CLASS MORE INTERESTING. I don't want to have to listen to some monotone voice read back to me what is on the page of the text of the assigned reading. If I didn't read it the first time, why would I want to listen to it read back to me a second time???? (Or just listen/read it a second time for all of those overachievers that actually do the reading assignments).
It just isn't necessary for everyone to attend class. It is a Shitty rule that I HATE.
Let the people make their own decisions. If they fail they fail, if they miss out on interesting discussion they miss out, if they Ace the test write a harder test. Besides most people don't even listen anyways they are busy surfing the net or playing online poker in class anyways. Hell last year I watched part of the NCAA basketball tourney in class.
Mandatory attendance is a stupid ass rule that should be abolished, along with Arbusto, he too should be abolished.
My HATE for this week is: Mandatory Attendance in Class
I hate attending classes because I am forced to attend them. What is the point of mandatory attendance? I look at it as a free open market that should not be altered by controlling forces such as mandatory attendance rules. Let me exlpain:
Different people feel differently about different classes and different people learn differently in different classes. There are some classes that I don't have to read for and understand most everything, and other classes I read 3 times and still have no idea what the hell is going on. This goes for attendance too.
If a person does not want to go to class he/she shouldn't have to go to class. There are always choices as to why they may not want to go, and there are consequences. For some people the consequences are not outweighed by the benefit of not attending so they don't attend, others the balance shifts the other way so they do go. But this is my point, let the people decide.
If someone does not go to class they are not going to hear the class lecture, discussion, and questions that my be brought up. That is their loss and they know this ahead of time. Sometimes though the material is so redundant, boring, or non-informative that these people not attending will not miss anything. IT IS THEIR CHOICE....LET THEM MAKE IT.
Some might argue that mandatory attendance is to make sure everyone has a decent shot of passing. WHO CARES!!! If they don't ever go to class, don't know the material, don't know what the prof wants, and then proceeds to fail, it is the choice they made. They knew that going into the test.
On the other hand there are people like my best friend back home that is so smart that he didn't attend any classes in his advanced math class (he was a math major) and aced the test; in addition, he had made a deal with the prof (since he hadn't done any of the homework) that if he aced it he would pass the class, if not he would fail. Voila, as I already said he aced it so he passed.
There are some classes that people will sleep through (I do this, although less and less this year). How is mandatory attendance helping here? Now you just have a body in the class that might occasionally snore, instead of an empty chair. THEY END UP BEING THE SAME THING. Furthermore, if a prof wants people attend all they have to do is MAKE THE FRIGGIN CLASS MORE INTERESTING. I don't want to have to listen to some monotone voice read back to me what is on the page of the text of the assigned reading. If I didn't read it the first time, why would I want to listen to it read back to me a second time???? (Or just listen/read it a second time for all of those overachievers that actually do the reading assignments).
It just isn't necessary for everyone to attend class. It is a Shitty rule that I HATE.
Let the people make their own decisions. If they fail they fail, if they miss out on interesting discussion they miss out, if they Ace the test write a harder test. Besides most people don't even listen anyways they are busy surfing the net or playing online poker in class anyways. Hell last year I watched part of the NCAA basketball tourney in class.
Mandatory attendance is a stupid ass rule that should be abolished, along with Arbusto, he too should be abolished.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
HATE: Personal Hygiene...."Metrosexuals"
Metrosexuals
As entertaining as "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" was, they pissed me off. They ruined men all over this blessed country. Seriously. In fact not only that, but I can make an argument that "Queer Eye" has even helped ruin our economy. Yes the economy. So hear my rant.
Let me list what a guy has to think about to be a metrosexual: lotion on body, hair conditioner AND shampoo, whiten teeth, pluck eyebrows, facial conditioners and masks, lip balm, manicures, pedicures, shaving/waxing unwanted hair, dyed and styled haircuts, and shit I don't even understand like spray-on tans. What the FUCK people???? Holy crap that is way too much.
Here is what a guy should do when he wakes up: piss/poop, shower using one shampoo and one body wash (if you have time), brush your teeth, deodorant, and shave if needed (see Arbusto's blog). That is it, no more no less. What else does a guy really need to do?
How does this ruin the economy? How much friggin time does it take to pluck eyebrows, wax a back, use a facial mask? Instead a CEO could be closing a deal, or you could be watching a baseball game, drinking a beer, eating a hot dog, and pissing in the troff at the Metrodome like any normal guy should be doing.
Why the hell would any man want to do all of that shit to his body? There is no reason. I guess some will say women. Well yeah there is that but 20, 30, 40 years ago and more guys didn't do this crap to themselves. This will pass like the fad it is, just like jean jackets, bell bottoms, and Zubas (you know MC Hammer pants).
As entertaining as "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" was, they pissed me off. They ruined men all over this blessed country. Seriously. In fact not only that, but I can make an argument that "Queer Eye" has even helped ruin our economy. Yes the economy. So hear my rant.
Let me list what a guy has to think about to be a metrosexual: lotion on body, hair conditioner AND shampoo, whiten teeth, pluck eyebrows, facial conditioners and masks, lip balm, manicures, pedicures, shaving/waxing unwanted hair, dyed and styled haircuts, and shit I don't even understand like spray-on tans. What the FUCK people???? Holy crap that is way too much.
Here is what a guy should do when he wakes up: piss/poop, shower using one shampoo and one body wash (if you have time), brush your teeth, deodorant, and shave if needed (see Arbusto's blog). That is it, no more no less. What else does a guy really need to do?
How does this ruin the economy? How much friggin time does it take to pluck eyebrows, wax a back, use a facial mask? Instead a CEO could be closing a deal, or you could be watching a baseball game, drinking a beer, eating a hot dog, and pissing in the troff at the Metrodome like any normal guy should be doing.
Why the hell would any man want to do all of that shit to his body? There is no reason. I guess some will say women. Well yeah there is that but 20, 30, 40 years ago and more guys didn't do this crap to themselves. This will pass like the fad it is, just like jean jackets, bell bottoms, and Zubas (you know MC Hammer pants).
Thursday, February 15, 2007
HATE: A Thursday Event
A brief introductory note...
Voila, Arbusto and I (and whoever else wants to join the Hate roll) have decided to plan a weekly event on every Thursday that catalogs what we "hate" (more like dislike strongly or have a feud with) in categories. For instance: what tree I hate the most? What holiday I hate the most? What country I hate the most? What blogger named Arbusto I hate the most? The rules are kind of loose.
THERE ARE SOME RULES HOWEVER
We do realize that there are some really stupid, ignorant, idiotic people out there so we need to clarify what we are doing. We are doing this purely out of fun. Who doesn't like to vent now and then? At no times will any of these posts be racist or extremely hurtful. We are not doing this to become a hate group or gang, we are doing this purely for laughs. We only use the word "hate" because we got a good catchy acronym for the title of our event. That does not mean we will shy away from people because sometimes people are just downright stupid...I think the best example right now might be pantyless wonder of mothering Britney Spears. Which also brings up another point, at NO point will a "HATE post" be targeted towards an individual UNLESS that person is a celebrity and being stupid, or the person is not mentioned by name and it is not a true hate but more of an arch rival/nemesis disliking. In fact most of the things we will be posting we do not hate at all but it is what we dislike the most in that category. Each week will be a different subject. NO repeats!
Some banned categories:
Race
Sexuality
Nationality (unless purely satirical like a Swede posting about a Norwegian...damn those Norwegians)
Others to come....
End Introduction and begin the fun! Welcome and enjoy. Spread the love, join in!
Arbusto and I have decided to do the same category this week to start this thing off, so without further ado here is my hate....
And in the category of bathrooms the nominee is: Bathrooms in France
And the winner goes to: Bathrooms in France (please hold your applause till after the post)
Okay so I hate bathrooms in France. There are several reasons too. The first being the whole concept of going to the bathroom there. Let me tell you this important detail to better help you understand, I poop a lot. Not just a lot, an enormous amount. This means several times a day. So when in France it is difficult. Why? Because they don't really have the concept of the PUBLIC toilet over there. If I am walking down a street in Paris and need to take a crap, I am screwed. If you enter into a restaurant they very rarely just let you use the bathroom, normally you have to be a customer. That goes for all businesses in fact. Unlike here in the great US where I can basically go into most places and use the bathroom, there it is almost if it is taboo to use another person's bathroom. One time in an emergency I had to beg to use the bathroom. GOOD GOD people this is the fucking 21st century where no man should have to BEG to use the fucking bathroom.
On the off chance the business let's you use their bathroom you are faced with another situation, especially when you need to....drop the kids off at the pool, if you catch my drift. It is one of the most hated "inventions" in the world. It is called the Turkish Toilet (sorry Turkish people I actually really like you it is just the name of the toilet). I want the man who created it shot, hung, electrocuted, poisoned, tarred and feathered, and drawn and quartered all at the same time. Seriously who things having a porcelain place to STAND and SQUAT into a small hole in the floor was a good idea? Is that the same guy who decided New Coke was a good idea? Here is a pic of one, the ridges are where you put your feet.
Isn't that the prettiest thing you have seen? It is especially great on those days where you have the beer shits. Yes, that is not fun. I HATE Turkish toilets. You are screwed too if you have week legs, might as well and not even try then.
Finally my last hate about bathrooms in France is the toilet paper. Apparently they think sandpaper against the ass crack is a good thing. Wow couldn't agree more you cheese eating bastards (I actually like the French they just piss me off on this issue). Not only is it sandpaper but more often than not it is the square single tissue type. WHAT GOOD IS THAT??? Who can use one sheet of single ply sandpaper to clean anything up?
One last note, when I had my externship at the law firm in Paris I experienced something that compared to utility with the Turkish Toilet...a square toilet seat. No your eyes did not deceive you I said a SQUARE fucking TOILET SEAT. Who the fuck has a square ass? Unless there is some race of Lego people that I do not know about people have rounded shape buttocks, NOT SQUARE. Holy god was that uncomfortable. I think that person should just be forced to sit on his own invention for hours on end. And who was the brilliant genius at the law firm who decided to install that??? I know lawyers bullshit all of the time but apparently it all comes out their mouth and they don't have to use the square fucking toilet seat.
Well that is enough for now.
KUDOS TO ME NOT ONLY AM I STARTING THIS WEEKLY EVENT, IT IS POST NUMBER 50 FOR ME. I would like to thank Blogger, Arbusto, my laptop, all those little people that made this possible, Mona, Southern Canadian, Toucan Sam, am I forgetting anyone?
Voila, Arbusto and I (and whoever else wants to join the Hate roll) have decided to plan a weekly event on every Thursday that catalogs what we "hate" (more like dislike strongly or have a feud with) in categories. For instance: what tree I hate the most? What holiday I hate the most? What country I hate the most? What blogger named Arbusto I hate the most? The rules are kind of loose.
THERE ARE SOME RULES HOWEVER
We do realize that there are some really stupid, ignorant, idiotic people out there so we need to clarify what we are doing. We are doing this purely out of fun. Who doesn't like to vent now and then? At no times will any of these posts be racist or extremely hurtful. We are not doing this to become a hate group or gang, we are doing this purely for laughs. We only use the word "hate" because we got a good catchy acronym for the title of our event. That does not mean we will shy away from people because sometimes people are just downright stupid...I think the best example right now might be pantyless wonder of mothering Britney Spears. Which also brings up another point, at NO point will a "HATE post" be targeted towards an individual UNLESS that person is a celebrity and being stupid, or the person is not mentioned by name and it is not a true hate but more of an arch rival/nemesis disliking. In fact most of the things we will be posting we do not hate at all but it is what we dislike the most in that category. Each week will be a different subject. NO repeats!
Some banned categories:
Race
Sexuality
Nationality (unless purely satirical like a Swede posting about a Norwegian...damn those Norwegians)
Others to come....
End Introduction and begin the fun! Welcome and enjoy. Spread the love, join in!
Arbusto and I have decided to do the same category this week to start this thing off, so without further ado here is my hate....
And in the category of bathrooms the nominee is: Bathrooms in France
And the winner goes to: Bathrooms in France (please hold your applause till after the post)
Okay so I hate bathrooms in France. There are several reasons too. The first being the whole concept of going to the bathroom there. Let me tell you this important detail to better help you understand, I poop a lot. Not just a lot, an enormous amount. This means several times a day. So when in France it is difficult. Why? Because they don't really have the concept of the PUBLIC toilet over there. If I am walking down a street in Paris and need to take a crap, I am screwed. If you enter into a restaurant they very rarely just let you use the bathroom, normally you have to be a customer. That goes for all businesses in fact. Unlike here in the great US where I can basically go into most places and use the bathroom, there it is almost if it is taboo to use another person's bathroom. One time in an emergency I had to beg to use the bathroom. GOOD GOD people this is the fucking 21st century where no man should have to BEG to use the fucking bathroom.
On the off chance the business let's you use their bathroom you are faced with another situation, especially when you need to....drop the kids off at the pool, if you catch my drift. It is one of the most hated "inventions" in the world. It is called the Turkish Toilet (sorry Turkish people I actually really like you it is just the name of the toilet). I want the man who created it shot, hung, electrocuted, poisoned, tarred and feathered, and drawn and quartered all at the same time. Seriously who things having a porcelain place to STAND and SQUAT into a small hole in the floor was a good idea? Is that the same guy who decided New Coke was a good idea? Here is a pic of one, the ridges are where you put your feet.
Isn't that the prettiest thing you have seen? It is especially great on those days where you have the beer shits. Yes, that is not fun. I HATE Turkish toilets. You are screwed too if you have week legs, might as well and not even try then.
Finally my last hate about bathrooms in France is the toilet paper. Apparently they think sandpaper against the ass crack is a good thing. Wow couldn't agree more you cheese eating bastards (I actually like the French they just piss me off on this issue). Not only is it sandpaper but more often than not it is the square single tissue type. WHAT GOOD IS THAT??? Who can use one sheet of single ply sandpaper to clean anything up?
One last note, when I had my externship at the law firm in Paris I experienced something that compared to utility with the Turkish Toilet...a square toilet seat. No your eyes did not deceive you I said a SQUARE fucking TOILET SEAT. Who the fuck has a square ass? Unless there is some race of Lego people that I do not know about people have rounded shape buttocks, NOT SQUARE. Holy god was that uncomfortable. I think that person should just be forced to sit on his own invention for hours on end. And who was the brilliant genius at the law firm who decided to install that??? I know lawyers bullshit all of the time but apparently it all comes out their mouth and they don't have to use the square fucking toilet seat.
Well that is enough for now.
KUDOS TO ME NOT ONLY AM I STARTING THIS WEEKLY EVENT, IT IS POST NUMBER 50 FOR ME. I would like to thank Blogger, Arbusto, my laptop, all those little people that made this possible, Mona, Southern Canadian, Toucan Sam, am I forgetting anyone?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Sparks are a flying
So I thought that would be a clever title for Valentine's Day. No I have no romantic interest, c'mon don't you know me by now? Not going to happen. Actually the title is literal rather than figurative. The other day in class my professor hit an electrical box with his shoe and sparks went flying all over the room. It was actually pretty cool because the sparks were pretty colorful and jumped about 3 feet in the air. My professor was pissed, not because he nearly got burned, but because he didn't get burned...he was wanting worker's comp.
So I have been to yet another doctor (number 4 now) about my kidneys. Each one gets progressively more confused. I give up, I guess I am just going to keep having these weird searing pains in my kidney...yay.
BIG EVENT PLANNED FOR THURSDAY ON MY BLOG AND ON ARBUSTO'S BLOG.
So I have been to yet another doctor (number 4 now) about my kidneys. Each one gets progressively more confused. I give up, I guess I am just going to keep having these weird searing pains in my kidney...yay.
BIG EVENT PLANNED FOR THURSDAY ON MY BLOG AND ON ARBUSTO'S BLOG.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
What a great week I have had!!!
My week began, of course, with my beloved Chicago Bears losing the Super Bowl. It hurt. It didn't help that at my Super Bowl party my uncle was rubbing it in that my team lost. I did have a great spread of food though.
Tuesday:
Went to the podiatrist (foot doctor). At first he gave me a bunch of different options including a slew of evasive surgeries that would keep me off my feet for 4 months at a minimum. Joy. It was odd though because my normal podiatrist had never mentioned these surgeries before.
So the podiatrist on Tuesday ordered for some x-rays and an ultrasound that can only be done by one radiologist in the Twin Cities. He read the X-rays. He was speechless. He didn't know what to make of my foot and said I was his most unusual case. Normally people would be worried to hear this, I was actually reassured. All of my podiatrists have said this, and it worried me when this guy thought he could diagnose me right away; boy was he wrong. Completely wrong. In fact he was going to share my case with colleagues at their weekly dinner where they share their "unique" cases.
So I am back to square 1 with my feet, no one knows what to do with them because they have never seen anything like them.
Wednesday:
Oh how I loved today. I spent 4 hours in the ER. Specifically 4AM-8AM. I woke up in pain at 3:30AM, severe pain. I had the same pain as I did when I had my kidney stone in August. I assumed I had another kidney stone. I woke up my sister-in-law and her parents (my brother was gone on business), so she and her dad took me to the hospital.
At the hospital they gave me 8mg of morphine pretty quickly. It didn't really help. Another nurse came in to try and do something for the pain and didn't believe I had already received 8mg of morphine, so he went and confirmed with the other nurse and doc. They confirmed it including the doc saying, "well he is a big boy". Thanks doc. They then gave me more morphine.
Well the verdict was it wasn't a kidney stone...nor appendicitis, infection, muscle spasm...etc. In fact they had no idea, especially when the pain got worse, the worse it had ever been. They then gave me percoset (sp?) and eventually released me. They have no idea what I had, and said I had "abdominal pain" in the release sheet, yet oddly enough the only pain I had was in my kidney.
Can I just get my own MASH unit or personal ER team to follow me around?
God it is only Wednesday, what will the rest of the week bring me?
Tuesday:
Went to the podiatrist (foot doctor). At first he gave me a bunch of different options including a slew of evasive surgeries that would keep me off my feet for 4 months at a minimum. Joy. It was odd though because my normal podiatrist had never mentioned these surgeries before.
So the podiatrist on Tuesday ordered for some x-rays and an ultrasound that can only be done by one radiologist in the Twin Cities. He read the X-rays. He was speechless. He didn't know what to make of my foot and said I was his most unusual case. Normally people would be worried to hear this, I was actually reassured. All of my podiatrists have said this, and it worried me when this guy thought he could diagnose me right away; boy was he wrong. Completely wrong. In fact he was going to share my case with colleagues at their weekly dinner where they share their "unique" cases.
So I am back to square 1 with my feet, no one knows what to do with them because they have never seen anything like them.
Wednesday:
Oh how I loved today. I spent 4 hours in the ER. Specifically 4AM-8AM. I woke up in pain at 3:30AM, severe pain. I had the same pain as I did when I had my kidney stone in August. I assumed I had another kidney stone. I woke up my sister-in-law and her parents (my brother was gone on business), so she and her dad took me to the hospital.
At the hospital they gave me 8mg of morphine pretty quickly. It didn't really help. Another nurse came in to try and do something for the pain and didn't believe I had already received 8mg of morphine, so he went and confirmed with the other nurse and doc. They confirmed it including the doc saying, "well he is a big boy". Thanks doc. They then gave me more morphine.
Well the verdict was it wasn't a kidney stone...nor appendicitis, infection, muscle spasm...etc. In fact they had no idea, especially when the pain got worse, the worse it had ever been. They then gave me percoset (sp?) and eventually released me. They have no idea what I had, and said I had "abdominal pain" in the release sheet, yet oddly enough the only pain I had was in my kidney.
Can I just get my own MASH unit or personal ER team to follow me around?
God it is only Wednesday, what will the rest of the week bring me?
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Conan vs Serena
So I just watched Conan O'Brien take on Serena Williams, 2007 Australian Open winner, in Wii Tennis. It was hilarious. Somehow Conan won. I am not sure what was scarier...how much I enjoyed this, or Conan in a tight white shirt with even tighter short shorts and yes Conan's pasty white skin matched his outfit.
Line of the week:
I was on the phone with someone who I haven't talked to much since I have been back.
Me: Hey
B: Hey
blah blah blah
B: Oh yeah my girlfriend wants to know if you had fun when you were abroad.
Me: What? I haven't been "abroad"...I have always been a dude.
Yes, I am that bad.
Line of the week:
I was on the phone with someone who I haven't talked to much since I have been back.
Me: Hey
B: Hey
blah blah blah
B: Oh yeah my girlfriend wants to know if you had fun when you were abroad.
Me: What? I haven't been "abroad"...I have always been a dude.
Yes, I am that bad.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sorry I have been lazy
So this will be a hodgepodge of a post because I have a few things to say since I last posted. Also as the above title suggests, I have no real reason why I haven't posted other than I was just lazy. Now that Mona is back though I figured I better post before I am guilted into posting.
Last Saturday
I went out to a bar with a couple of friends...it was extremely disappointing. First off it wasn't the friends, they are great, it was the crappy bar. The bar was set in a suburb, in an industrial park, miles from anything. A great recipe for success. So there were a handful of people there at this massive restaurant/bar, probably about 15-20. In this massive bar of 15-20 was a dance floor about the size of Rhode Island. And there was a crappy DJ.
So out of the 15-20 people was a group of 4. These 4 people were at least 45 if not 50 and the only ones using the dance floor. Normally when older people dance you think slow dancing etc, maybe some twisting or something. Not these people. No. These people were bumping, grinding, etc. One really stood out. She was pretty ugly, wore glasses, and had a sequined shirt. We called her "Sparkles". Sparkles was really getting into it. She even at one point went all the way down to the floor with her 50 year old dance partner. The male dance partner then went on all fours down on the floor, stuck his ass in the air, and then proceeded to be SPANKED by Sparkles. It was amusing at first, and then I realized what was going on and was extremely disturbed.
The night ended with the Asian waitress, who wasn't even our waitress, and who some might think as cute, started to feel up my leg. It felt weird, partly because I am not used to contact, but mostly because it was just strange.
Grocery Shopping
Why is it that I will only shop for groceries at midnight or later? Seriously the other day, a Wednesday, I went shopping at 1AM...who the hell else shops at 1 in the morning? It isn't like I go on shopping binges at 1, I just make a list and like to do it late at night. I guess because I don't have to maneuver around aisles filled with aimless people. The only problem is the meat counter isn't open.
Super Bowl
Throwing a Super Bowl party for the soon to be WORLD CHAMPION CHICAGO BEARS. Not too big of a party probably 5-7 people, I really don't know how to throw a party...I am not a big party guy. What I do know is food, and we will be having plenty of food, I guarantee that. So far we will be having Chex Mix, shrimp, baguette with herbed garlic cheese, brisket, deviled eggs, Swedish oatmeal cookies, chips and dip, and plenty of beer. I am not sure what else but will be adding to the menu.
Photos
So below are a few photos from France. I am still waiting for the photos of when we had the goodbye party in my class, but these were sent to me. I can show you some of the people I hung out with in Paris.
Last Saturday
I went out to a bar with a couple of friends...it was extremely disappointing. First off it wasn't the friends, they are great, it was the crappy bar. The bar was set in a suburb, in an industrial park, miles from anything. A great recipe for success. So there were a handful of people there at this massive restaurant/bar, probably about 15-20. In this massive bar of 15-20 was a dance floor about the size of Rhode Island. And there was a crappy DJ.
So out of the 15-20 people was a group of 4. These 4 people were at least 45 if not 50 and the only ones using the dance floor. Normally when older people dance you think slow dancing etc, maybe some twisting or something. Not these people. No. These people were bumping, grinding, etc. One really stood out. She was pretty ugly, wore glasses, and had a sequined shirt. We called her "Sparkles". Sparkles was really getting into it. She even at one point went all the way down to the floor with her 50 year old dance partner. The male dance partner then went on all fours down on the floor, stuck his ass in the air, and then proceeded to be SPANKED by Sparkles. It was amusing at first, and then I realized what was going on and was extremely disturbed.
The night ended with the Asian waitress, who wasn't even our waitress, and who some might think as cute, started to feel up my leg. It felt weird, partly because I am not used to contact, but mostly because it was just strange.
Grocery Shopping
Why is it that I will only shop for groceries at midnight or later? Seriously the other day, a Wednesday, I went shopping at 1AM...who the hell else shops at 1 in the morning? It isn't like I go on shopping binges at 1, I just make a list and like to do it late at night. I guess because I don't have to maneuver around aisles filled with aimless people. The only problem is the meat counter isn't open.
Super Bowl
Throwing a Super Bowl party for the soon to be WORLD CHAMPION CHICAGO BEARS. Not too big of a party probably 5-7 people, I really don't know how to throw a party...I am not a big party guy. What I do know is food, and we will be having plenty of food, I guarantee that. So far we will be having Chex Mix, shrimp, baguette with herbed garlic cheese, brisket, deviled eggs, Swedish oatmeal cookies, chips and dip, and plenty of beer. I am not sure what else but will be adding to the menu.
Photos
So below are a few photos from France. I am still waiting for the photos of when we had the goodbye party in my class, but these were sent to me. I can show you some of the people I hung out with in Paris.
So the girl smiling girl to the left on top is Reunion. Yep the same one who told me all about her sex life and even bought a dildo/vibrator with me helping her buy it. I kind of miss her. The guy in the orange sweater sniffing the other girls hair was the only other guy in the class with me. He is normal..most of the time. I have no idea who the other girl is.
Another photo...most look drunk and probably are. The girl in the top right was in a photo shoot in a magazine similar to Vogue. No not as a model but had several photos in an article about decorating her apartment. And there is Reunion again looking thoughtful, but don't worry she isn't.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
KUDOS/ FELICITATIONS CHICAGO BEARS...NFC CHAMPIONS!!!!!
(AP photo Alex Brandon)21 years later the Bears are going to the Super Bowl again. Here we come Super Bowl XLI (41 for Roman numeral impaired).
I am tempted to go down to South Beach and stay with my brother in Orlando...but I have this law school thing that I need to really pay attention to, so I will stay here and watch the game. I cannot express though how happy I am, after the game I had such a huge smile on my face for such a long time.
Thank you Bears, now finish the job and win Super Bowl XLI and make Manning cry and wish he never beat the Pats.
Friday, January 19, 2007
GRtErrible
First off getting up at 6:30AM after a night full of horrible sleep sucks, especially when you don't have to get up for anything because it is your weekend.
Anyways, a week after I returned from France I had to take the GRE. I was thinking of grad school after law school (basically because I don't want to find a job) and needed to meet the application deadlines. So I am taking a test that tests one's knowledge of English, math, and writing ability after spending 4 months of ONLY speaking French and still being jet-lagged. Only good results could come from this.
It began with the writing portion, which I nailed. Now normally I am a decent writer, but this time was great because they were asking me to write on a topic I had just got done studying in France: models of communication. I thought those classes in France were a joke, and still think that, but it at least helped me there.
Then came this insane multiple choice of vocabulary words I had never even heard of before in my half-sleepy/half-French speaking state of mind to which I was supposed to find the synonym of....yeah like that was going to happen.
That section was followed by math, math that I had not studied since I was a 10th grader and sure has hell wasn't going to remember unless it was asking for the translation of a Descartien principle. Oddly enough had the math section been on either Calculus or Game Theory I think I would have done better (not being facetious here either I remember more Calculus and Game Theory than I do geometry or quadratic formulas).
So yesterday I got results back. It made me flashback to my ACT taking days (Midwest boy and from Iowa so had to take the ACT rather than the SAT). The first time I took the ACT I did poorly overall because I bombed the English section. I retook it. The second time I did poorly again, but this time I had nailed the English section but bombed the math section. A complete reversal of my previous time exactly...it was uncanny I had the same exact scores just flipflopped in the categories. Finally the third time I put those two together and nailed the test. The only problem was I had raised my score so much that it raised suspicion by the graders. Had my high school counselor not known me personally they would have had to investigate the test and possibly asked me to retake the stupid test again. Apparently a 5 point raise is pretty significant.
So my results for the GRE, which I actually found quite hysterical: verbal 60%...shitty, quantitative 49%....even more shitty. Now at this point I should say that the writing is graded out of a scale of 6 points and allows for half points to be given so 3, 3.5, 4, etc. What did I receive? A 6. Meaning I was in the 96%. So when I am tired and thinking in French I have no English vocabulary, no English reading comprehension, no math skills whatsoever, but can write a damn good essay.
Anyways, a week after I returned from France I had to take the GRE. I was thinking of grad school after law school (basically because I don't want to find a job) and needed to meet the application deadlines. So I am taking a test that tests one's knowledge of English, math, and writing ability after spending 4 months of ONLY speaking French and still being jet-lagged. Only good results could come from this.
It began with the writing portion, which I nailed. Now normally I am a decent writer, but this time was great because they were asking me to write on a topic I had just got done studying in France: models of communication. I thought those classes in France were a joke, and still think that, but it at least helped me there.
Then came this insane multiple choice of vocabulary words I had never even heard of before in my half-sleepy/half-French speaking state of mind to which I was supposed to find the synonym of....yeah like that was going to happen.
That section was followed by math, math that I had not studied since I was a 10th grader and sure has hell wasn't going to remember unless it was asking for the translation of a Descartien principle. Oddly enough had the math section been on either Calculus or Game Theory I think I would have done better (not being facetious here either I remember more Calculus and Game Theory than I do geometry or quadratic formulas).
So yesterday I got results back. It made me flashback to my ACT taking days (Midwest boy and from Iowa so had to take the ACT rather than the SAT). The first time I took the ACT I did poorly overall because I bombed the English section. I retook it. The second time I did poorly again, but this time I had nailed the English section but bombed the math section. A complete reversal of my previous time exactly...it was uncanny I had the same exact scores just flipflopped in the categories. Finally the third time I put those two together and nailed the test. The only problem was I had raised my score so much that it raised suspicion by the graders. Had my high school counselor not known me personally they would have had to investigate the test and possibly asked me to retake the stupid test again. Apparently a 5 point raise is pretty significant.
So my results for the GRE, which I actually found quite hysterical: verbal 60%...shitty, quantitative 49%....even more shitty. Now at this point I should say that the writing is graded out of a scale of 6 points and allows for half points to be given so 3, 3.5, 4, etc. What did I receive? A 6. Meaning I was in the 96%. So when I am tired and thinking in French I have no English vocabulary, no English reading comprehension, no math skills whatsoever, but can write a damn good essay.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Waving the White Flag...I give up
So I have given up, I surrender, wave the white flag, whatever. After the last fiasco with dating, I have given up on internet dating and dating in general. I have no prospects, none in the wings, none on the horizon, none in the next universe.
I spent 3 years on Eharmony with a total of 3 dates...one a year. I did Match for awhile too, nothing. I give up. I am quite possibly the worlds worst dater.
So yeah all of the throngs of women trying to throw themselves at me, sorry I am taking a break. Most likely a 5-10 year break, if I am lucky a 30 year break. By lucky I mean for all of those that had to go or might have to go through with dating me. Sorry.
I spent 3 years on Eharmony with a total of 3 dates...one a year. I did Match for awhile too, nothing. I give up. I am quite possibly the worlds worst dater.
So yeah all of the throngs of women trying to throw themselves at me, sorry I am taking a break. Most likely a 5-10 year break, if I am lucky a 30 year break. By lucky I mean for all of those that had to go or might have to go through with dating me. Sorry.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
It's Snowing!!!
I am happy it is snowing, and we will have anywhere from 4-8 inches tomorrow. Yay!!!
I also think I gave myself a slight concussion tonight. How you ask? Well I was doing the backstroke in the pool and completely misjudged where the wall was. Yes I am an idiot no need to point that out. I hit pretty hard. It is only a slight one, and I am kind of an expert on them. I have actually lost count what number of concussion this would be, but somewhere between 5-8.
I have had concussion while:
plyaing basketball
playing football
hot air ballooning
swimming
whiffle ball
the list goes on
No you are not seeing things I have received a concussion while playing whiffle ball. Then 4 months later I had another one while attending Wabash College and was a pledge for Kappa Sigma Fraternity. I was running to get the pledge phone (a phone the pledges had to answer quickly) and hit a puddle of water, slipped, went horizontal, and landed on my head. I was unconscious for a few moments, but I kept chewing the piece of roll in my mouth. Later that night my brother called me and asked how I was. I said my head hurt but didn't know why and he asked what happened. I didn't remember, but my roommate was still in the room then and said I had a concussion. So we went to the ER. I began singing the school fight and hitting on the nurses because by then I was just plain loopy. The ER let me go after getting a CAT Scan.
That night the brothers observed me while I slept, like the ER orders you to and everything was fine. The next day everything was fine until I watched Fight Club with some other guys. I got really tired during it and went to my room. I fell asleep in a chair and then starting convulsing. Everything was very clear to me but I couldn't move, speak, or really do anything at all. All of the fraternity brothers were busy watching the VMA awards (2000 the year Brittney wore next to nothing and was still hot) but finally one saw me convulsing. Thankfully there were 3 EMTs in the fraternity that tried waking me, doing sternal taps, running cold water over me, etc. Nothing worked. I was still unable to respond even though I was completely aware of everything going on. Finally they called the hospital for an ambulance. When the EMTs with the ambulance came they tried some other things that didn't work and finally gave me a nasal pharangy to open up my airway in case I swallowed my tongue. It was a very very large tube shoved up your nostril and that did it. I finally came to. They took me to the hospital and ran a battery of tests and found out that the last concussion I had plus this one had compounded into a sever concussion and caused the "post-concussion syndrome" that I was suffering. I was released after a day of examinations.
The kicker, after I was released I went to class on Friday and asked my chem prof for an extension for the test we were having on Monday. He said, "nope." I took the test, called my parents, dropped out that night and left for home. Started up at Olaf the next semester.
I also think I gave myself a slight concussion tonight. How you ask? Well I was doing the backstroke in the pool and completely misjudged where the wall was. Yes I am an idiot no need to point that out. I hit pretty hard. It is only a slight one, and I am kind of an expert on them. I have actually lost count what number of concussion this would be, but somewhere between 5-8.
I have had concussion while:
plyaing basketball
playing football
hot air ballooning
swimming
whiffle ball
the list goes on
No you are not seeing things I have received a concussion while playing whiffle ball. Then 4 months later I had another one while attending Wabash College and was a pledge for Kappa Sigma Fraternity. I was running to get the pledge phone (a phone the pledges had to answer quickly) and hit a puddle of water, slipped, went horizontal, and landed on my head. I was unconscious for a few moments, but I kept chewing the piece of roll in my mouth. Later that night my brother called me and asked how I was. I said my head hurt but didn't know why and he asked what happened. I didn't remember, but my roommate was still in the room then and said I had a concussion. So we went to the ER. I began singing the school fight and hitting on the nurses because by then I was just plain loopy. The ER let me go after getting a CAT Scan.
That night the brothers observed me while I slept, like the ER orders you to and everything was fine. The next day everything was fine until I watched Fight Club with some other guys. I got really tired during it and went to my room. I fell asleep in a chair and then starting convulsing. Everything was very clear to me but I couldn't move, speak, or really do anything at all. All of the fraternity brothers were busy watching the VMA awards (2000 the year Brittney wore next to nothing and was still hot) but finally one saw me convulsing. Thankfully there were 3 EMTs in the fraternity that tried waking me, doing sternal taps, running cold water over me, etc. Nothing worked. I was still unable to respond even though I was completely aware of everything going on. Finally they called the hospital for an ambulance. When the EMTs with the ambulance came they tried some other things that didn't work and finally gave me a nasal pharangy to open up my airway in case I swallowed my tongue. It was a very very large tube shoved up your nostril and that did it. I finally came to. They took me to the hospital and ran a battery of tests and found out that the last concussion I had plus this one had compounded into a sever concussion and caused the "post-concussion syndrome" that I was suffering. I was released after a day of examinations.
The kicker, after I was released I went to class on Friday and asked my chem prof for an extension for the test we were having on Monday. He said, "nope." I took the test, called my parents, dropped out that night and left for home. Started up at Olaf the next semester.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Wow I suck at dating
So I went on a date tonight. It was someone I met through the internet. She seemed nice enough, liked sports (play and watch), going to chiropractic school, etc. So overall seemed fine, and her photo was pretty good too. But it was a photo of her face, and as mean as this sounds, it was for a reason.
She had a decent face but a pretty massive base. I thought okay, it won't be so bad maybe she is really nice. Not really. The conversation was strained at best and the only good thing about the date was the restaurant. I had two very large glasses of wine, the food came out in 5-10 minutes after we ordered, and the whole date took less than an hour, even though it was a pretty nice/kind of fancy restaurant.
All I really want is a date with someone who is nice, can hold a conversation, and is maybe quasi-attractive. I would just settle for one date right now to ask for anything more would just be greedy, with the current streak/luck I am having in the dating game.
She had a decent face but a pretty massive base. I thought okay, it won't be so bad maybe she is really nice. Not really. The conversation was strained at best and the only good thing about the date was the restaurant. I had two very large glasses of wine, the food came out in 5-10 minutes after we ordered, and the whole date took less than an hour, even though it was a pretty nice/kind of fancy restaurant.
All I really want is a date with someone who is nice, can hold a conversation, and is maybe quasi-attractive. I would just settle for one date right now to ask for anything more would just be greedy, with the current streak/luck I am having in the dating game.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
It looks awful, it looks like Wisconsin
That was a quote from Nelson today on one of the episodes of The Simpsons that I watched. It is such a great line. I really don't like Wisconsin, bascially because the Packers are from there, but there are other reasons too. Such as my brother witnessing one male rape another male then having to tell the male that was raped that he got raped because said male was passed out drunk. Have to love fraternities (more on fraternities in a later post, my experience didn't go to well with them).
Anyways back to Wisconsin for no real reason I don't like the state, I don't hate it, just some weird sense of disliking towards it much like my irrational disliking of Costa Rica. So I guess in the ever ironical world I live in, the only girls with whom I have gone on dates with have been from Wisconsin. This also includes the girl I am going on a date with this Saturday.
Yep this Saturday Furry is going on a date. I am taking her out to dinner because I "lost" a bet. I bet that the Bears would be the Pack in week 17 and even gave her 7 points. She still feels bad that she won. I am torn I am glad I get to take her out, yet my hatred for the Packers won't let me take joy in the fact that they brought me something good.
So the last girl I dated left me because I went to slow. This included after the first date when we were leaving I was standing at her car saying goodbye and she had to initiate a hug because I had no idea what to do. On the second date we cuddled up and watched a movie, well half through the movie I asked her if I could put my arm around her, then we cuddled, then I did nothing else. No kiss. The third date she demanded a kiss, it went horribly bad, she broke it off. I don't blame her, I blame my ex-girlfriend who completely ruined any sense with what I am supposed to do with a girl. With the ex we began way too fast yet with boundaries and then after 3 months with the same boundaries still in place she goes off and fucks some random guy.
So that brings me to what the hell am I supposed to do or expect after this date? I know most people will say just do what feels right, but I am trying to explain that I have no idea what feels right. I am completely lost. Any hints/tips/suggestions? The Furry would appreciate any advice. And no Mona I am not taking her out to an expensive steak dinner.
Anyways back to Wisconsin for no real reason I don't like the state, I don't hate it, just some weird sense of disliking towards it much like my irrational disliking of Costa Rica. So I guess in the ever ironical world I live in, the only girls with whom I have gone on dates with have been from Wisconsin. This also includes the girl I am going on a date with this Saturday.
Yep this Saturday Furry is going on a date. I am taking her out to dinner because I "lost" a bet. I bet that the Bears would be the Pack in week 17 and even gave her 7 points. She still feels bad that she won. I am torn I am glad I get to take her out, yet my hatred for the Packers won't let me take joy in the fact that they brought me something good.
So the last girl I dated left me because I went to slow. This included after the first date when we were leaving I was standing at her car saying goodbye and she had to initiate a hug because I had no idea what to do. On the second date we cuddled up and watched a movie, well half through the movie I asked her if I could put my arm around her, then we cuddled, then I did nothing else. No kiss. The third date she demanded a kiss, it went horribly bad, she broke it off. I don't blame her, I blame my ex-girlfriend who completely ruined any sense with what I am supposed to do with a girl. With the ex we began way too fast yet with boundaries and then after 3 months with the same boundaries still in place she goes off and fucks some random guy.
So that brings me to what the hell am I supposed to do or expect after this date? I know most people will say just do what feels right, but I am trying to explain that I have no idea what feels right. I am completely lost. Any hints/tips/suggestions? The Furry would appreciate any advice. And no Mona I am not taking her out to an expensive steak dinner.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Florida and Flashbacks
Florida
Well I just got back from sunny and 80 while spending time on Daytona Beach. The main purpose of the trip was to see my new nephew (one month old). He is pretty small but with lots of long hair, and he was really good natured. So even though it was 80, I don't hate Florida as much because my nephew is now there. I was happy when I got back because it was 40.
Seinfeld Moment at Florida:
(Also my favorite Seinfeld speech)
George: I'm a marine biologist.
George: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine biologist!
...
George: I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
Jerry: Mammal.
George: Whatever.
Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George: Then from out of nowhere a huge tidal wave lifted. Tossed like a cork, I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
(George pulls out of the inside pocket a golf ball)
(Jerry and George just stare at Kramer)
Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one, eh?
So what does this have to do with me and Florida? Well while I was at the condo I looked down on the beach and saw a man hitting golf balls from the beach into the ocean. "The sea was angry that day my friends"
Flashback Moment from College:
While in college I took a road trip to Chicago and stayed at a really cheap Motel 8 while I was there. There were two notable moments on that trip, both of which took place at the hotel.
1. While checking-in I witnessed a 290lb man in ragged sweatpants and apparently hadn't shaved in the past 3 years. He looked around the lobby and then asked the clerk, "Where's the champagne vending machine?"
I will not explain the mulitple problems in that question.
2. At about 2 AM we were watching a horrible movie called Diplomatic Siege. The best part of the movie was this quote (discussing a strategy on how to disarm an atomic bomb this is from one of the Generals), "And then they would make a fast move...(long pause) or they could make it slower."
Okay so you really need to hear the quote in context and while watching this horrible movie, but believe me the quote is hilarious.
Monday
Monday I get to hear from my podiatrist that I have arthritis in my feet, oh joy I can barely wait.
Well I just got back from sunny and 80 while spending time on Daytona Beach. The main purpose of the trip was to see my new nephew (one month old). He is pretty small but with lots of long hair, and he was really good natured. So even though it was 80, I don't hate Florida as much because my nephew is now there. I was happy when I got back because it was 40.
Seinfeld Moment at Florida:
(Also my favorite Seinfeld speech)
George: I'm a marine biologist.
George: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine biologist!
...
George: I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
Jerry: Mammal.
George: Whatever.
Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George: Then from out of nowhere a huge tidal wave lifted. Tossed like a cork, I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
(George pulls out of the inside pocket a golf ball)
(Jerry and George just stare at Kramer)
Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one, eh?
So what does this have to do with me and Florida? Well while I was at the condo I looked down on the beach and saw a man hitting golf balls from the beach into the ocean. "The sea was angry that day my friends"
Flashback Moment from College:
While in college I took a road trip to Chicago and stayed at a really cheap Motel 8 while I was there. There were two notable moments on that trip, both of which took place at the hotel.
1. While checking-in I witnessed a 290lb man in ragged sweatpants and apparently hadn't shaved in the past 3 years. He looked around the lobby and then asked the clerk, "Where's the champagne vending machine?"
I will not explain the mulitple problems in that question.
2. At about 2 AM we were watching a horrible movie called Diplomatic Siege. The best part of the movie was this quote (discussing a strategy on how to disarm an atomic bomb this is from one of the Generals), "And then they would make a fast move...(long pause) or they could make it slower."
Okay so you really need to hear the quote in context and while watching this horrible movie, but believe me the quote is hilarious.
Monday
Monday I get to hear from my podiatrist that I have arthritis in my feet, oh joy I can barely wait.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Translation and a Date
So two posts ago I had a paragraph in French. I wasn't going to translate it, but why the hell not, so here it goes:
3 days!!! 3 days until I can hold you in my arms...3 days until I can whisper sweet nothings to you...3 days until I can caress your breasts...3 days until I can laugh about everything with you and until I can hear your opinions...3 days until I can penetrate you with my erect cock that is red with envy...3 days until we can (not sure too lazy to look it up)...3 days until we can open our presents...until then I hurt...I love you (and not just since 3 days)
So yeah...not what I wanted to find of my computer screen when I got back from Rennes.
I have a date
Yep the Furry has a date. When I get back from Florida I have a date set up. This is my first date in well over a year. No need to tell me how pathetic I am, I already know. Let me re-emphasize that this is my first date in a year, not kiss (3 years), sex (we won't get into that), girlfriend or consecutive dates with someone (won't get into that either). I am sure something will happen to me, in fact I may worry if nothing does. And while Mona may feel like Jerry, I am still definitely George. I am pretty sure though if she asks me to come to her place for "coffee" I won't turn it down this time....yes I have turned it down before (different girl), yes I am an idiot.
3 days!!! 3 days until I can hold you in my arms...3 days until I can whisper sweet nothings to you...3 days until I can caress your breasts...3 days until I can laugh about everything with you and until I can hear your opinions...3 days until I can penetrate you with my erect cock that is red with envy...3 days until we can (not sure too lazy to look it up)...3 days until we can open our presents...until then I hurt...I love you (and not just since 3 days)
So yeah...not what I wanted to find of my computer screen when I got back from Rennes.
I have a date
Yep the Furry has a date. When I get back from Florida I have a date set up. This is my first date in well over a year. No need to tell me how pathetic I am, I already know. Let me re-emphasize that this is my first date in a year, not kiss (3 years), sex (we won't get into that), girlfriend or consecutive dates with someone (won't get into that either). I am sure something will happen to me, in fact I may worry if nothing does. And while Mona may feel like Jerry, I am still definitely George. I am pretty sure though if she asks me to come to her place for "coffee" I won't turn it down this time....yes I have turned it down before (different girl), yes I am an idiot.
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