So last night I drank. I drank too much. I threw up this morning, not exactly sure how I got home because part of the night I can't remember, and instead of drunk dialing a girl, I drunk emailed. The email was hysterical, and I would post it but it is in French so not too many would understand it. Thankfully I put in the wrong address and it didn't get sent. I have no recolection of typing the email and when I saw the returned email in my inbox I started to wonder what else I did that I can't remember. Still speaking of things I can't remember, I am not sure how I got back to my place. I know I started on the Metro, got off because I had to pee, took a cab, then it gets fuzzy. I have some fuzzy vague memory of the cab driver not letting me off at the right address, but somehow I walked home. I am just glad I got home.
Things I do remember:
Drinking two bottles of wine (two people)
Drinking a half a bottle of vodka (just me) the others finished the bottle
Ordering a vibrator online, okay my friend did I obviously didn't.
So the vibrator story...Reunion out of the blue asked me if Americans use sex toys because apparently in France it is still a little taboo. I said sure Americans used sex toys. I then decided to show her Bostonian Sexperts blog. Bostonian works at a sex shop and always has great recommendations and advice. So Reunion, who was already a little drunk, bought a 43 Euro vibrator in front of me. Yes this is my life. No sex, no girls, but girls willing to buy expensive vibrators in front of me.
IN OTHER NEWS:
Curly Canadian texted me today. I was sick of hanging out with her and decided that I needed to find out if I was going to get anything out of hanging out with her because I couldn't stand her personality. So I turned to my twin George Costanza. I decided to do the opposite of what I would normally do. She had texted me with "What are you up to? Want a hang out?" I responded, "I'm free for sex otherwise I am with a friend." Her response, "Huh??" My reply, "I am always up for sex, but am with a friend right now so I can't hang out." She ended then with, "I am not interested in you sexually."
Although the ending was not what happened to George who slept with the woman and got a job working for the Yankees, it is a big relief for me because now I don't have to hang out with her anymore.
LINE OF THE DAY
Reunion: "Why is it that weird things happen to you?" (Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my life, where the normal takes a backseat to the weird and unusual)
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1 comment:
I keep reading the title of this post as "caramel vibrators and vodka." I never knew I had a reading disorder. Maybe that's why I don't remember Asthmar.
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