Little Red Riding Hood 2: Crappy Disney

So I blame Disney. Who else can explain why my version of Little Red Riding Hood is so messed up. In class in Paris I learned in the original version not only does Little Red Riding Hood's Grandma get eaten but so does LRRH!! This was shocking news to me. Not quite like finding out Santa isn't real (I was one of the last people in my school to figure this out too) but still ranks up there.

So my version of LRRH: First off LRRH doesn't listen to the lumbejack's ("woodcutter") warning not to take that route to the house. This is important for two reasons. 1. It means that she ignores the woodcutter and does it anyways. 2. It means she doesn't talk to the Wolf in the beginning but the Wolf overhears LRRH and Woodcutter's conversation.

Next in my Disney GGGG+ rating version the damn Wolf doesn't eat the Grandma but puts her in a closet or something. If he ate Grandma then wouldn't LRRH have been asking such things as, "My what large bones you have stuck in your teeth?" or "My what blood spattered face you have?" or my personal favorite, "Is that pubic hair stuck in your teeth Grandma?"

Finally the worst part of it all is LRRH doesn't get eaten either. Instead she runs out with the Wolf following her and low and behold there is the Woodcutter to save the day and kill the Wolf. Then Grandma and LRRH share the picnic that LRRH was bringing her.

So there you have it. It is not like my parents protected me from the violence of the story. I read many violent stories when I was young, played violent games, and watched violent cartoons (I am really desensitized to violence at this point in my life). I even remember my first rated "R" movie was Diehard. I know there are worse but Diehard has to rank up there as a worst overall rated "R" movie to see first due to violence, blood, and language. Yippee Kiya Mother Fucker. (I am not saying Diehard is a bad movie, on the contrary I think it is great, I am saying as a first rated "R" movie it pretty much contains everything but nudity and sex).

Here are some other versions that I heard in class. Grandma gets eaten but not LRRH. Grandma doesn't get eaten. Grandma gets eaten and they kill the Wolf. They both get eaten but the Wolf gets killed anyways. They kill the wolf after both have been eaten and then fill his stomach up with stones? (SC you read some pretty weird versions, but not the weirdest). And my all time favorite version...They both get eaten but the Woodcutter kills the Wolf then cuts open his stomach and Grandma and LRRH are in there alive and kicking. They then fill up the stomach of the Wolf with stones, sew him back together and I think either throw him into a river or keep him as a statue. Can't remember.

So there you have it. Don't even get me started on the moral of the story. My professor started spouting off about how it was really meant to be about incest and pedophile. I lost interest and didn't understand him at that point, so can't give an accurate account of that.

3 DAYS AND I WILL BE HOME

Unless this happens (yes I have to pass through London).