Sorry I have been lazy

So this will be a hodgepodge of a post because I have a few things to say since I last posted. Also as the above title suggests, I have no real reason why I haven't posted other than I was just lazy. Now that Mona is back though I figured I better post before I am guilted into posting.

Last Saturday

I went out to a bar with a couple of friends...it was extremely disappointing. First off it wasn't the friends, they are great, it was the crappy bar. The bar was set in a suburb, in an industrial park, miles from anything. A great recipe for success. So there were a handful of people there at this massive restaurant/bar, probably about 15-20. In this massive bar of 15-20 was a dance floor about the size of Rhode Island. And there was a crappy DJ.

So out of the 15-20 people was a group of 4. These 4 people were at least 45 if not 50 and the only ones using the dance floor. Normally when older people dance you think slow dancing etc, maybe some twisting or something. Not these people. No. These people were bumping, grinding, etc. One really stood out. She was pretty ugly, wore glasses, and had a sequined shirt. We called her "Sparkles". Sparkles was really getting into it. She even at one point went all the way down to the floor with her 50 year old dance partner. The male dance partner then went on all fours down on the floor, stuck his ass in the air, and then proceeded to be SPANKED by Sparkles. It was amusing at first, and then I realized what was going on and was extremely disturbed.

The night ended with the Asian waitress, who wasn't even our waitress, and who some might think as cute, started to feel up my leg. It felt weird, partly because I am not used to contact, but mostly because it was just strange.

Grocery Shopping

Why is it that I will only shop for groceries at midnight or later? Seriously the other day, a Wednesday, I went shopping at 1AM...who the hell else shops at 1 in the morning? It isn't like I go on shopping binges at 1, I just make a list and like to do it late at night. I guess because I don't have to maneuver around aisles filled with aimless people. The only problem is the meat counter isn't open.

Super Bowl

Throwing a Super Bowl party for the soon to be WORLD CHAMPION CHICAGO BEARS. Not too big of a party probably 5-7 people, I really don't know how to throw a party...I am not a big party guy. What I do know is food, and we will be having plenty of food, I guarantee that. So far we will be having Chex Mix, shrimp, baguette with herbed garlic cheese, brisket, deviled eggs, Swedish oatmeal cookies, chips and dip, and plenty of beer. I am not sure what else but will be adding to the menu.

Photos

So below are a few photos from France. I am still waiting for the photos of when we had the goodbye party in my class, but these were sent to me. I can show you some of the people I hung out with in Paris.

So the girl smiling girl to the left on top is Reunion. Yep the same one who told me all about her sex life and even bought a dildo/vibrator with me helping her buy it. I kind of miss her. The guy in the orange sweater sniffing the other girls hair was the only other guy in the class with me. He is normal..most of the time. I have no idea who the other girl is.

Another photo...most look drunk and probably are. The girl in the top right was in a photo shoot in a magazine similar to Vogue. No not as a model but had several photos in an article about decorating her apartment. And there is Reunion again looking thoughtful, but don't worry she isn't.

KUDOS/ FELICITATIONS CHICAGO BEARS...NFC CHAMPIONS!!!!!

(AP photo Alex Brandon)

21 years later the Bears are going to the Super Bowl again. Here we come Super Bowl XLI (41 for Roman numeral impaired).

I am tempted to go down to South Beach and stay with my brother in Orlando...but I have this law school thing that I need to really pay attention to, so I will stay here and watch the game. I cannot express though how happy I am, after the game I had such a huge smile on my face for such a long time.


Thank you Bears, now finish the job and win Super Bowl XLI and make Manning cry and wish he never beat the Pats.

GRtErrible

First off getting up at 6:30AM after a night full of horrible sleep sucks, especially when you don't have to get up for anything because it is your weekend.

Anyways, a week after I returned from France I had to take the GRE. I was thinking of grad school after law school (basically because I don't want to find a job) and needed to meet the application deadlines. So I am taking a test that tests one's knowledge of English, math, and writing ability after spending 4 months of ONLY speaking French and still being jet-lagged. Only good results could come from this.

It began with the writing portion, which I nailed. Now normally I am a decent writer, but this time was great because they were asking me to write on a topic I had just got done studying in France: models of communication. I thought those classes in France were a joke, and still think that, but it at least helped me there.

Then came this insane multiple choice of vocabulary words I had never even heard of before in my half-sleepy/half-French speaking state of mind to which I was supposed to find the synonym of....yeah like that was going to happen.

That section was followed by math, math that I had not studied since I was a 10th grader and sure has hell wasn't going to remember unless it was asking for the translation of a Descartien principle. Oddly enough had the math section been on either Calculus or Game Theory I think I would have done better (not being facetious here either I remember more Calculus and Game Theory than I do geometry or quadratic formulas).

So yesterday I got results back. It made me flashback to my ACT taking days (Midwest boy and from Iowa so had to take the ACT rather than the SAT). The first time I took the ACT I did poorly overall because I bombed the English section. I retook it. The second time I did poorly again, but this time I had nailed the English section but bombed the math section. A complete reversal of my previous time exactly...it was uncanny I had the same exact scores just flipflopped in the categories. Finally the third time I put those two together and nailed the test. The only problem was I had raised my score so much that it raised suspicion by the graders. Had my high school counselor not known me personally they would have had to investigate the test and possibly asked me to retake the stupid test again. Apparently a 5 point raise is pretty significant.

So my results for the GRE, which I actually found quite hysterical: verbal 60%...shitty, quantitative 49%....even more shitty. Now at this point I should say that the writing is graded out of a scale of 6 points and allows for half points to be given so 3, 3.5, 4, etc. What did I receive? A 6. Meaning I was in the 96%. So when I am tired and thinking in French I have no English vocabulary, no English reading comprehension, no math skills whatsoever, but can write a damn good essay.

Waving the White Flag...I give up

So I have given up, I surrender, wave the white flag, whatever. After the last fiasco with dating, I have given up on internet dating and dating in general. I have no prospects, none in the wings, none on the horizon, none in the next universe.

I spent 3 years on Eharmony with a total of 3 dates...one a year. I did Match for awhile too, nothing. I give up. I am quite possibly the worlds worst dater.

So yeah all of the throngs of women trying to throw themselves at me, sorry I am taking a break. Most likely a 5-10 year break, if I am lucky a 30 year break. By lucky I mean for all of those that had to go or might have to go through with dating me. Sorry.

It's Snowing!!!

I am happy it is snowing, and we will have anywhere from 4-8 inches tomorrow. Yay!!!

I also think I gave myself a slight concussion tonight. How you ask? Well I was doing the backstroke in the pool and completely misjudged where the wall was. Yes I am an idiot no need to point that out. I hit pretty hard. It is only a slight one, and I am kind of an expert on them. I have actually lost count what number of concussion this would be, but somewhere between 5-8.

I have had concussion while:
plyaing basketball
playing football
hot air ballooning
swimming
whiffle ball
the list goes on

No you are not seeing things I have received a concussion while playing whiffle ball. Then 4 months later I had another one while attending Wabash College and was a pledge for Kappa Sigma Fraternity. I was running to get the pledge phone (a phone the pledges had to answer quickly) and hit a puddle of water, slipped, went horizontal, and landed on my head. I was unconscious for a few moments, but I kept chewing the piece of roll in my mouth. Later that night my brother called me and asked how I was. I said my head hurt but didn't know why and he asked what happened. I didn't remember, but my roommate was still in the room then and said I had a concussion. So we went to the ER. I began singing the school fight and hitting on the nurses because by then I was just plain loopy. The ER let me go after getting a CAT Scan.

That night the brothers observed me while I slept, like the ER orders you to and everything was fine. The next day everything was fine until I watched Fight Club with some other guys. I got really tired during it and went to my room. I fell asleep in a chair and then starting convulsing. Everything was very clear to me but I couldn't move, speak, or really do anything at all. All of the fraternity brothers were busy watching the VMA awards (2000 the year Brittney wore next to nothing and was still hot) but finally one saw me convulsing. Thankfully there were 3 EMTs in the fraternity that tried waking me, doing sternal taps, running cold water over me, etc. Nothing worked. I was still unable to respond even though I was completely aware of everything going on. Finally they called the hospital for an ambulance. When the EMTs with the ambulance came they tried some other things that didn't work and finally gave me a nasal pharangy to open up my airway in case I swallowed my tongue. It was a very very large tube shoved up your nostril and that did it. I finally came to. They took me to the hospital and ran a battery of tests and found out that the last concussion I had plus this one had compounded into a sever concussion and caused the "post-concussion syndrome" that I was suffering. I was released after a day of examinations.

The kicker, after I was released I went to class on Friday and asked my chem prof for an extension for the test we were having on Monday. He said, "nope." I took the test, called my parents, dropped out that night and left for home. Started up at Olaf the next semester.

Wow I suck at dating

So I went on a date tonight. It was someone I met through the internet. She seemed nice enough, liked sports (play and watch), going to chiropractic school, etc. So overall seemed fine, and her photo was pretty good too. But it was a photo of her face, and as mean as this sounds, it was for a reason.

She had a decent face but a pretty massive base. I thought okay, it won't be so bad maybe she is really nice. Not really. The conversation was strained at best and the only good thing about the date was the restaurant. I had two very large glasses of wine, the food came out in 5-10 minutes after we ordered, and the whole date took less than an hour, even though it was a pretty nice/kind of fancy restaurant.

All I really want is a date with someone who is nice, can hold a conversation, and is maybe quasi-attractive. I would just settle for one date right now to ask for anything more would just be greedy, with the current streak/luck I am having in the dating game.

It looks awful, it looks like Wisconsin

That was a quote from Nelson today on one of the episodes of The Simpsons that I watched. It is such a great line. I really don't like Wisconsin, bascially because the Packers are from there, but there are other reasons too. Such as my brother witnessing one male rape another male then having to tell the male that was raped that he got raped because said male was passed out drunk. Have to love fraternities (more on fraternities in a later post, my experience didn't go to well with them).

Anyways back to Wisconsin for no real reason I don't like the state, I don't hate it, just some weird sense of disliking towards it much like my irrational disliking of Costa Rica. So I guess in the ever ironical world I live in, the only girls with whom I have gone on dates with have been from Wisconsin. This also includes the girl I am going on a date with this Saturday.

Yep this Saturday Furry is going on a date. I am taking her out to dinner because I "lost" a bet. I bet that the Bears would be the Pack in week 17 and even gave her 7 points. She still feels bad that she won. I am torn I am glad I get to take her out, yet my hatred for the Packers won't let me take joy in the fact that they brought me something good.

So the last girl I dated left me because I went to slow. This included after the first date when we were leaving I was standing at her car saying goodbye and she had to initiate a hug because I had no idea what to do. On the second date we cuddled up and watched a movie, well half through the movie I asked her if I could put my arm around her, then we cuddled, then I did nothing else. No kiss. The third date she demanded a kiss, it went horribly bad, she broke it off. I don't blame her, I blame my ex-girlfriend who completely ruined any sense with what I am supposed to do with a girl. With the ex we began way too fast yet with boundaries and then after 3 months with the same boundaries still in place she goes off and fucks some random guy.

So that brings me to what the hell am I supposed to do or expect after this date? I know most people will say just do what feels right, but I am trying to explain that I have no idea what feels right. I am completely lost. Any hints/tips/suggestions? The Furry would appreciate any advice. And no Mona I am not taking her out to an expensive steak dinner.

Florida and Flashbacks

Florida

Well I just got back from sunny and 80 while spending time on Daytona Beach. The main purpose of the trip was to see my new nephew (one month old). He is pretty small but with lots of long hair, and he was really good natured. So even though it was 80, I don't hate Florida as much because my nephew is now there. I was happy when I got back because it was 40.

Seinfeld Moment at Florida:
(Also my favorite Seinfeld speech)

George: I'm a marine biologist.
George: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine biologist!
...
George: I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
Jerry: Mammal.
George: Whatever.
Kramer: Well, what did you do next?
George: Then from out of nowhere a huge tidal wave lifted. Tossed like a cork, I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!
(George pulls out of the inside pocket a golf ball)
(Jerry and George just stare at Kramer)
Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one, eh?

So what does this have to do with me and Florida? Well while I was at the condo I looked down on the beach and saw a man hitting golf balls from the beach into the ocean. "The sea was angry that day my friends"

Flashback Moment from College:

While in college I took a road trip to Chicago and stayed at a really cheap Motel 8 while I was there. There were two notable moments on that trip, both of which took place at the hotel.
1. While checking-in I witnessed a 290lb man in ragged sweatpants and apparently hadn't shaved in the past 3 years. He looked around the lobby and then asked the clerk, "Where's the champagne vending machine?"

I will not explain the mulitple problems in that question.

2. At about 2 AM we were watching a horrible movie called Diplomatic Siege. The best part of the movie was this quote (discussing a strategy on how to disarm an atomic bomb this is from one of the Generals), "And then they would make a fast move...(long pause) or they could make it slower."

Okay so you really need to hear the quote in context and while watching this horrible movie, but believe me the quote is hilarious.

Monday

Monday I get to hear from my podiatrist that I have arthritis in my feet, oh joy I can barely wait.

Translation and a Date

So two posts ago I had a paragraph in French. I wasn't going to translate it, but why the hell not, so here it goes:

3 days!!! 3 days until I can hold you in my arms...3 days until I can whisper sweet nothings to you...3 days until I can caress your breasts...3 days until I can laugh about everything with you and until I can hear your opinions...3 days until I can penetrate you with my erect cock that is red with envy...3 days until we can (not sure too lazy to look it up)...3 days until we can open our presents...until then I hurt...I love you (and not just since 3 days)

So yeah...not what I wanted to find of my computer screen when I got back from Rennes.


I have a date

Yep the Furry has a date. When I get back from Florida I have a date set up. This is my first date in well over a year. No need to tell me how pathetic I am, I already know. Let me re-emphasize that this is my first date in a year, not kiss (3 years), sex (we won't get into that), girlfriend or consecutive dates with someone (won't get into that either). I am sure something will happen to me, in fact I may worry if nothing does. And while Mona may feel like Jerry, I am still definitely George. I am pretty sure though if she asks me to come to her place for "coffee" I won't turn it down this time....yes I have turned it down before (different girl), yes I am an idiot.